you bet your sweet ass!

with nazi propaganda posters!

rememeber what mr.krabs says

the jewish.

prolouge:

this is the story of a man named bob, bob goes on newgrounds.com, and hes a preatty important member, hes 21, signed up in 2003, and has made over 9000 posts (if anyone says "its over 90000!! i will rip out your entrails and use them as toilet paper)

bob is a preaty respected user, almost a mod, loved by many, and almost never gets banned.

and bob has a girlfreind too!

bob is about to go get a job, lets wish him luck on his adventure.

-----

bob walked into the office, it smelled of sucsess and mint, it was a typical white wallpapered office with a desk covered with papers and had a flat screen computer on it, behined the desk was a huge window showing beutiful ocean view, pictures of the handsom ceo were all over it.

this was the office of a very sucsessful man, just the kind of office for bob, this was a bob office.

a stewardes opened the door and walked in, she seemed to be holding on to alot of papers, the diffrent colored papers were messy and unorginized, in her other hand was a cell phone she was holding up to her face, she appered to be talking to someone

"yes, you just rub cream on the lumps and the'll be gone in day,. yes i know they really hurt, just rub cream on them, no you can't eat the cream, you ate the cream didn't you? *sigh* Odin fucking damnit, ok you have to go to E.R. to get it pumped out now. yes i'll drive you, hold on someone is here for a job interview i'll have to call you back later, no i'll remember to pick you up."

she hung up her cell phone and put it back into her purse.

"the ceo of our company will meet you here shortly, just have a seat, i have to go pick up my retarded supervisior"

as she left the room bob took a seat opisite where the job interviewer would sit.

bob would end up waiting longer then he expected, he began to twiddle his fingers and lean in his chair, like many do when bored, ten minutes had passed and bob was bored as hell.

thats when bob remembered that he forgot to tell the bbs about his job offer, he got up from his chair and sat in the ceo chair.

bob used the ceos computer to go on newgrounds, he didn't want to mess with the sites that were in the ceos action bar already so he typed "newgrounds" into google.

he began to write a topic.

"title: i got job interview today *cool smiley*

body:
i got a job interview for a desk job today, it pays very well and my girlfreind's dad works there.

i've got a really good feeling about this job and i think im gonna get it, wish me luck!"

it was then bob realised he needed to piss.

and badly, i mean fucking badly, i mean ocean bursting out of your dick with a battering ram badly.

he got up quickly and headed off to the washroom.

as he left the room went empty and silent, it was like a bomb went off and killed everyone in the building for about 2 minutes.

a mans footsteps could be heard from the distence, as they got closer to the room they became louder and louder, until the melody of the song "staying alive" could be heard in mono tone.

the door knob of the room was slowy opened, when the door was all the way open a man whereing an ipod could be seen danceing as he walked towards the ceo chair, he had a fancy suit on and was very handsom, it was the man from the pictures on the wall, indeed, it was the ceo.

he began to sing along with the song as he walked towards his desk.

he sat down at the desk and leaned back in his chair, he was cuaght by suprise when he looked at his computer, it was an online forum, not just any forum, it was newgrounds.

now this ceo had seen his teenaged son post on newgrounds before, but all he ever seen him post was dick jokes, he decieded to check out the post history of the user logged on, knowing it was probebly the person who came in for the job interview.

as he looked thru the post history he saw many posts, some about shit he didn't care about, some amused him, but there were a spefic type of post that captured his attention, the ones with our freind getting into arguements.

some of the arguements our hero bob got into were about stupid things like his inteligence, but some were about politics.

the ceo noticed that in every arguement bob was in he always brought up his sign up date (considering he didn't start posting until he was on for a year or his post count (since his first arguement was long after he had 1000 posts.) or his age.

most of the time he got into arguements with people younger then him and signed up early on, or were low level or had a low post ount, if not he would wealse out of the arguement or lose painfuly.

the ceo just shuged all of this off however, thinking the person he was about to interview was smarter in real life.

he closed the window stooped screwing around on the computer.

as he stoped some walked into the room fast, opening the door as if he were rushed, it was bob.

bob came to a quick stop when saw the ceo.

"oh, i didn't know you came back yet, im here for the interview" said bob.

"its cool, have a seat and lets talk." said the ceo.

bob sat down in the chair, the interview was about to begin.

"so do you have any talents?" asked the ceo.

bob drew a blank at that point, he was completely lost, he couldn't think of anything uniuqe about himself.

"damn, i can't think of a single talent i have" thought bob, to himself.

"i don't understand, the bbs loves me, i have a ton of freinds how can i..."

it was then bob came up with his battle plan, he would tell the ceo his talnets and accomplishments on the bbs, it was dessperet, would it work?

bob knew the plan was risky, but he put it into action anyway.

"so you wanna hear about my talents?" said bob

the ceo nodded.

"well, i have really good spelling and grammer" said bob again.

"hmm, well thats good, don't want "u" instead of "you" plastered all over our tps reports" said the ceo in a pleased and optimistic voice

"yes! i got him." thought bob "now all i need to do is reel him in."

"infact" said bob "i've mangeded to make 9967 posts on an internet forum"

the ceo only let out a brief "cool" in an unimmpressed sounding voice.

"damn!" thought bob "im losing him!"

"time to pull out the big guns" thought bob once again.

"a ton of people like me on it to." said bob.

"good for you." said the ceo, still very unimmpressed.

"oh crap" thought bob "its like hes immune"

bob appered to be losing him it was time to pull out even bigger guns.

"i signed up on it in 2003" said bob.

"ok." said the ceo, more unimpressed then ever.

bob was losing the ceo, and fast, he needed to pull out something better out of his ass or there was no way he'd get the job.

"umm...i have a high level icon" said bob, sounding very desperate.

the ceo just sat there, saying nothing, looking a little bit more unimpressed.

bob had officaly dug himself into a hole, and he was running out of things to brag about.

".....im not 13...." said bob, sounding very nervous and worried.

the ceo's upper eye lids sagged down, covering half of his eyes, making himself look tired.

this was it, this was the pinnicale of unimpressed, this was as unimpressed someone could get, the ceo was so unimpressed he almost looked angry.

bob knew at this point that all the bbs crap wouldn't worked, and bob knew that if he did anymore bbs crap he wouldn't get the job for sure, in fact the job oppirtunity was looking very bad already.

bob was just about to give up, thats when it came to him, the ultiment way to win the ceo over, the ace in the hole that would dig him out and take him to the sky.

bob knew if this didn't work, he could kiss the job goodbye for sure.

but bob wasn't worried about that, oh no.

he was sure once he used this line, the ceo would not only grant him the job, but he would have a chance to get HIS job.

"ok" said bob, in voice filled with new found confedence "get ready for this one, because it'll knock your socks off"

the ceo's face went from a tired unimpressed look to and pleased, almost hopful look.

"ok" said the ceo with a daring look on his face. "show me what you got"

"ok" said bob "here it is!"

"i have a girlfreind!"

a silence filled the room, the ceo had a blank look on his face, as if he was dumb founded.

the ceo slowly moved his hand towards his face and griped his nose with his thumb and index fingers, his face went from blank to an annoyed, almost angry look.

the ceo let out an "ugh" and a "sigh" before taking his hand off his face slowly.

"you really are a piace of work, aren't you bob?" said the ceo.

the ceo got out of his seat and turned towards the giant wall sized ocean view window, with his arms crossed behind his back.

"bob" said the ceo "let me tell you a little something, i started this company in 1988 with nothing. and now 19 years later look at me, a have a mansion, 200 cars, one hundred diffrent beachs houses and 20 private jets, but i never brag about it, if i get into an arguement i don't bring up my sucsess in life and use it as a point, thats moronic in every way shape and form.

thats the diffrence between me and you, i read thru your posts while you were pissing, you left your window open. and i can say, im not impressed.

you can make a 13 year old cry by winning in an arguement, but i can make every 13 year old cry forever by buying out the porn industry.

but i don't use that as a weapon, heres a little truth for you: no one gives a flying truck if you have a billion posts and a girlfreind, or that you are rich and can stop porn from being made forever, that is, if you're an idiot, and you bob, are an idiot, you use the stupidest most worthless shit that no one in real life could brag about as tools in an arguement.

even if you had all the talent and sucsess as me you can't use that in an arguement, you'll look like a moron, and your point is moot when you do that.

if you say anything in an arguement unrelated to that arguement it makes you look like a dumbass.

gloating about stupid shit won't get you anywwear in life, that may work on a forum filled with idiots, but not here.

i'd like you to leave my office now, this interview is over."

bob just sat there, dumbfounded for about 2 minutes, without the ceo knowing he was still there.

at some point he got up and walked out, but before opening the door bob said "pff, like i would want a lame offfice job anyway" and walked out of the room.

seconds after bob left the stewerdes from before walked in and said "sorry im late. steve ate something he had to get pumped out of his stomach again."

"ah" said the ceo "good 'ole steve, always making my day a little better."

-----

epilouge:

bob-
eventauly did get a job at mcdonalds, it didn't pay as well as the office job but it did however, it did impress the bbs, and that was good enough for bob, as now hes more foucused on impressing the bbs then a good pay.

the ceo-
still very rich and sucsessful, at some point he found someone who could fill in the job bob couldn't, that person was very good, the ceo is planing on retireing and giving him his job.

the stewerdes-
still taking better care of her supervisor much better then he is of her.

steve the supervisor-
his lumps went away after a week, is still very retarded.

the end.

" "zekeyspaceylizard.

i love him SO much."

You know, when you started following me around and posting squidward much like I do, I figured you were just a fan.
But it's getting creepy. You seem to be right behind me everywhere I go on NG. Now my mind is coursing over two thoughts right now.
The first thought, is that this is an act, that you are putting on, in order to make a statement via irony and subtle contradiction. In a toadies/legendaryfrog sort of fashion. Like Hammi is with wonchop. Except in your case, you realize you are doing it, because you are trying to make the bbs take note of some enigmatic point, or trying to show everyone I'm an overrated fag or something by mimicking some overzealous stalker. If this is so, your work is already done, as I am perfectly self-aware of how overexposed my contributions to this site are. And I do try to make everyone else aware of it as well. Apparently the message is not getting through.

Now, my second thought (and I am hoping the correct one) is that you are just a fan. A really big....obsessed....unzipped fan who likes me far far far too much. Much, yet again, in the same way Hammi always talks about Wonchop. Or how Anigen always talks about Rtil. Or how Titrotu always talks about IllwillPress.

Either way, I think you've made a very unhealthy choice putting me up on this pedestal. Defending people who mock me in topics, and other offputting behavior. It's not that I dont appreciate the gestures, but its really uneeded. I'm a big boy, I can defend myself when I feel like it. Its ok if you somehow like me or my work, but there needs to be boundaries here.

Now I've had a few other people who've gotten obsessed with me whom eventually lost their gusto for watching me troll around being nonconstructive. And they usually either ended up becoming a good friend and not treating me like some holy entity (anigen) or they grew bored and despised me because I'm not anywhere near as interesting or unique as the hype might make me out to be (half the people who bug me on aim).
Normally if someone annoys me, I tell them to go away in the rudest way possible.
You dont annoy me.
But at the same time, I find this whole "I love zekey" thing rather sick. And not in the funny "haha that guy cut off his dick on youtube" way but more in the "i think this person needs help" sort of way.

Of course, if I'm completely off-base as to what your intentions are, let me know.
All this is from me observing you. And I have observed you quite a bit, as you seem to be everywhere I am. Doing things I'd do.
Not that I mind so much. But I would like some clarification as to "wuts up dawg?" as currently I am at a loss at how to react to this situation. Normally I'd just do something horrible to drive you away, but you arent stupid like most of the people here, so I figured I'd let you just explain what this bedeviled captivation in myself is all about.

also dfgsfdhhasd"

in other news:

i hate the jews.

(haha, it rymes!)

if you think saying "you're 13" or "im 23" in an arguement can win you bonus points on ng you're dead wrong.

if you're 23 and on a cartoon website filled with cartoons about squailers curssing about diets you shouldn't feel supierior to anyone ever.

im not saying all people above 20 on this site are losers, im saying if you use it as an instant rebutal and expect to win at any arguement you're a tool.

also.

DEER PEKAY PLUMPERS, THE KUPALINGAZ N I HAVE TAKAN OVA TEH MSHROM KENGDAM, DA PRENSES IZ NOI AH PERMENAT GEST IN 1 OF MY 7 KUPA HOTALS, I DER U 2 FEND HERR IF U CANN.

also your house is a scwoulum hellhole and your toilet paper is hung in an in-proper underhand fashion.

1- silent protagngenists-

i know its supposd to make you put your own personality into the charecter and all that garbage, but its overdone, not to mention lazy and it leaves no room for the charecter to devolup.

2- memory loss-

not only is it overdone, but its annoying, "HAI GUYZ I HAZ NO BACKSTORY LOLO HELP ME FINDS IT" and somehow killing rats in a sewer and running feacth quests will help him recover lost memeroy, now some games can get away with it like XIII, but most can't.

3- 1&2 combined -

fucking kill me now.

4- rats
its not just rats, its overdone beasts in general, im so sick of mindless hacking my way thru enimemes i've seen 50,000,000 before.

"oh noes a ratz!"
"uh ohz a boarz!
"giaint bugz!!!!"

like all over done things in video games, some can pull this off, but almost all can't.

just fucking let me kill orcs and dragons please.

4- sewers crawling.
i hate wandering aimlessly, and when its in something as overdone as a sewer.
can be ok sometimes, like all things that suck in video games.

5- 3&4
giant rats in a sewer? HOW ORIGINAL!

6- 1&2&3&4
thats how you know a game is worth passing up.

no on can pull that shit off, no one.

hi there, my name is baldr.

i am the god of beauty, i am extremly handsom, nothing can hurt me because my mother told all the plants and rocks and metals not to harm me.

everyone in asgard loves me and i often let people throw stuff at me for kicks, beceause hey, it won't hurt me.

im also a great fighter, and since i cannot die it doesn't really matter who does what to me.

lets face the facts here, im better then you.

im nice, handsom, strong, can't be hurt, and wemon love me.

i may have a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very small dick, but hell, no one will ever see it! ahahaahahah man i rock.

go ahead and throw stuff at me, rocks, knifes, metal, even buildings! it doesn't even hurt!

hey whats that you're going to "hurt" me with? a plant? ha! its not gonna hurt me!

hold on, is that.....missletoe? why are you using that? who gave it to you?

loki huh?......oh my god NO WAIT DON'T-

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/81 6474

i thought you were all smarter then this.

i thought we had reached a point where the bbs wasn't stupid enough to post in a stupid over done video game topic.

i was wrong.

i was horibly wrong.