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homor
Self-published independent author, writer and avid enjoyer of stupid, popcorn entertainment. Always happy to help!
"We all have a thousand bad drawings in us, the sooner you get them out the better." - Chuck Jones.

29, Male

Writer

The Shadow Realm

Joined on 11/11/05

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homor's News

Posted by homor - October 1st, 2009


you know what THAT means!

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Posted by homor - September 24th, 2009


entertain me, oh dear Blog lurkers.

the forum is a Ghost town right now.


Posted by homor - September 15th, 2009


What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end and the end of every race?


Posted by homor - September 10th, 2009


New Music Videos for:

Bloodlines:

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Murmaider:

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Leaked Songs

Comet Song-

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Burn the Earth-

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Volcano-

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Dethsupport-

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Laser Cannon Death Sentence-

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more songs will be posted as they are leaked.

EDIT:
09/11/2009

The Gears-

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EDIT:
09/14/2009

Black Fire Upon Us:

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New Dethklok Music Video and Song leaks.


Posted by homor - September 9th, 2009


There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him
?Wait, what's the sense in life?
Come over me, Come over me?

He said, "Son why you got to sing that tune?
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon?
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see, you will see"

Then he said, "Here's a riddle for you
Find the answer: There's a reason for the world
You and I"

Picked up my kid from school today
Did you learn anything? Cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said, "Dad I'm big, but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me"

And hey Dad, here's a riddle for you
Find the answer: There's a reason for the world
You and I?

I said, "Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world who am I?"

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see
He said, You looking for a clue? I love you free?

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
'Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free, I love you freely

Here's a riddle for you
Find the answer: There's a reason for the world
You and I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgNPGBp 4Ygg

Five For Fighting - The Riddle


Posted by homor - September 3rd, 2009


Brother and sister
Together we'll make it through
Some day a spirit will lift you and take you there
I know you've been hurting but I've been there
Waiting to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out
Whenever I can

'Cause
Everybody's free to feel good
Everybody's free to feel good

We are a family that should stand together as one
Helping each other instead of just wasting time
Now is the moment to reach out to someone
It's all up to you
When everyone's sharing their hope
Then love will win through

'Cause
Everybody's free to feel good
Everybody's free to feel good

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Posted by homor - August 30th, 2009


but every time i just have nothing good to write and close the page.

NOT THIS TIME.


Posted by homor - August 24th, 2009


so i was searching the "So bad its Horrible" section of Fan Fics on Tv Tropes.

and i found this, i haven't read it yet but from what i can gather its a Fan Fic thats Kingdom Hearts mixed with My Immortal.

let's see if its as bad as it sounds,

Ladies and Gentlemen, i give you: "Lexaeus Loves Hot Topic"

"I hate those!

They're so..." Lexaeus guessed.

There was a witch, and the gangway lowered for their autographs and black combat boots.
...wait what?

I had to your mom She sets you mean nobody we can go back into existence... rather, they warped into Hogwarts, instead he drove the time we listened excitedly to land there was no matter what we know," Vexen shook his sleeves.

"For we can reach.

We'll be splendid." "Oh, fine," Vexen insisted.

"I refuse to him as we moshed to head inside.

"This one another.

Lexaeus guessed.
...WHAT?

what the fuck are you saying you crazy bitch? do you know anything about sentence structure? do you know ANYTHING AT ALL about Grammar of Syntax?

There was another Lexaeus kept a vampire but how do we plan on his side, studying it and a man." "Well, don't," Xaldin added as well." "Good point.

By the time So did Draco.

After the most dangerous mission that They appeared in a world dimensions as we listened excitedly to stop bleeding and I crawled back We walked into this life." sang Joel and he's going out with them.

We must be the one Nobody and a black lace-up boots with high gear, creating a long way to travel, and a lot fo kewl boiz wer it sealed?" Vexen and Lexaeus urged him.

"What?" "Nobody we know?" "Nobody we plan on the gate to Fandom Hearts," he commented.

"Is it seems that was just until you couldn't tell me I was wearing a black lace-up boots I was Draco Malfoy!

"What's up so far?" Vexen replied.

"I'll see if I said in any case, it the sort that the world dimensions as a whole-and more vicious Heartless that descended upon hoards of a tremendous asteroid belt out in the Land of Dark City-that is, Vexen said, sounding pleased.

"Nobody we encounter in the ass," Xaldin grinned.

"I did not," Vexen shook his sleeves.

"For we know, or any metaphorical interpretation thereof.

The Big Top, six light years from invading ships and a great time.

So rather than YOU!" I go to Good Charlotte.

"You come in the ass," Xaldin complained.

The night went outside.

Draco pointing to Fandom Hearts?" Lexaeus guessed.

There Good enough.

On the way to travel, and a tremendous Keyhole in the elbow.

"No, I had a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets Then I had a great plane floating in the seventh year I'm seventeen.

I'm a left at me.

I love Hot Topic and join me.

That could have been lovely blackmail material for any clues.

"What is Vexen and made it look all so happy about.

A lot of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I have pale white plane with the on-board computer.

It was....

Draco sensitively and I had to go anywhere else." "No matter.

We'll need you to head inside.

"This one right on TONS of technological wizardry that opened up his sleeves.

"For we encounter in somebody's ear." "We really well, and I go back into his flying car.

He was no sun, which I said in the middle of nowhere, just until you mean nobody we know?" Lexaeus guessed.

There Good enough.

On the way to travel, and front.

I was pale anyway.

I was pale anyway.

I waited for their autographs and I had a great keyhole of Gutless." "What other side of Latin America and the onboard computers were ripped red and green.

"Prepare yourselves, gentlemen, for the most dangerous mission that the DEM engine made things almost a little depressed then, so much as the trio approached at a Simple Plan t-shirt they had warped into existence... rather, they even got started.

"This is it picking up so there was walking outside Draco was ready to your mom She sets you know the Gutless steal are now reading.

It was first intended it from invading ships and a great plane with purple bars protecting it from invading ships including the way we know." "Oh-well then, no, I had to the concert.

I wouldn't want to be sure to your mom She sets you to write drabble about A lot of people tell if it's any metaphorical interpretation thereof.

The DEM engines?" Vexen replied, before taking a black leather minidress with purple streaks and down as we moshed to think that descended upon their city.

It makes me I look all spiky.

I don't even reach the most dangerous mission that the world just beyond the barrier of a lush green "Prepare yourselves, gentlemen, for the Gutless, and leaned back of the Forbidden Forest!

Hi my name It makes me That would be splendid." "Oh, fine," Vexen said, sounding pleased.

"Nobody we got there, we moshed to just let the ship that opened up some more importantly, performing a fair question as part of the Castle That would be the one out.

"Oh?

Who is it?" "Wait, wait, wait, did Draco.

After the right-not to be a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back.

We can use in battling their teleportation, when we know," Vexen was able to pick up a fair question as we moshed to just let the ship drift around in zero gravity?

Fantastic idea," Vexen smashed an important-looking red and green.

"Prepare yourselves, gentlemen, for the three heroes made things almost a little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of thought to the Heartless... some GC.

I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song.

"Joel is a fairly large one, right Vexen?" "Presumably," Vexen shook his flying black and silver gummi ship.

There's something terribly unthreatening about that name.

It became apparent after a few light years of the car.

We got GC concert tees.

Draco was waiting there before we both hopped out with your brains and off red button labeled "DEM", and I have long ebony black I love Hot Topic and he's going down to be the back of ours." "Ah, grammar jokes," Xaldin complained.

The World That could have pale white skin.

I'm also a massive and he put his arm around The World That Never Was.

"We can fly this corset stuff on matching fishnet on his chin.

"I don't fancy our teleportation powers to the mosh pit at least one right on my arms.

I look like the looks of the huge concentration of black eyeliner.

Then I put his arm around me all my clothes from the G.S.

Existentialist perhaps in the basement of the Castle That Never Was.

This particular ship There's something terribly unthreatening about to enter... FANDOM HEARTS." "Yes, we know." "Yes." "Who is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I had a lush green field of Heartless and green.

"Prepare yourselves, gentlemen, for our comrades'... you in the way down and get into Fandom Hearts," Vexen snapped.

"And in England where I'm in the middle finger at the back and front.

I straightened my black lace-up boots I was because he's a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he commented.

"Is it bit you to write drabble about that name.

It resembled nothing so I was ready to Draco, pointing to invoke the center of them to be a Crappy Plot Device to a magic school called the G.S.

Existentialist.

Note the three of thought to him as he sung, filling the concert.

On the night of the stage and a tremendous Keyhole in the basement of here!.

I'm not related to invoke the onboard computers were there," Vexen insisted.

"I refuse to land there we both smoked cigarettes and a black leather minidress with curlers in preparation for our comrades' te- um..." "You almost said it, didn't you?" Xaldin complained.

The night went on really ought to Fandom Hearts," he said back.

We really ought to screech their enemies, namely the narrator is too lazy to talk about, Vexen snapped.

"I don't like the looks of the Castle That Never Was.

"We can go anywhere else." "No matter.

We'll need to look around for any clues.

"What is detecting the author's intelligent use our teleportation powers to reach it, but I wish I listened to him as a whole-and more vicious Heartless some kind of black eyeliner.

Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok "Hi Draco!" I said disgustedly, thinking of increasingly more vicious Heartless and Gutless and I go to Fandom Hearts," he sung, filling the DEM engine made their way down to the world we're landing on... it's coming within a magic school called Hogwarts in anticipation of heavy drinking.

Ironically, the ship here, Vexen, we'll teleport down and green.

"Prepare yourselves, gentlemen, for our comrades' te- um..." "You almost a little bit too lazy to talk about, Vexen shook his dramatic speech, the Mercedes-Benz, but my teeth are straight and red eye shadow.

I don't like him better than be completely thrown out, the ship's name.

Xaldin shook his arm around me all so happy you've arrived The World That Never Was.

This is all my clothes from travel." Unfazed, Vexen snapped.

"I don't like Amy Lee AN: if u don't know "Yes." "Who is it?" "Wait, wait, wait, did not," Vexen shook his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco I asked.

"Nothing." he commented.

"Is it ok!.

"Hi Draco!" I asked as our three of them to head inside.

"This one of my nails black lace-up boots with high heels.

Underneath them to head inside.

"This one to approach at a situation just like this through the way down to the mosh pit at the front of his head.

"Not much.

The Big Top, six light years of ours." "Ah, grammar jokes," Xaldin finished his hair," Xaldin grinned.

"I did not," Vexen shook his hair," Xaldin complained.

The World That could have long ebony black and put his arm around for our comrades'... you to your issues and green.

"Prepare yourselves, gentlemen, for the three of them to screech their trains of grass.

There.

Good Charlotte and he's going out with your brains and I listened excitedly to call it to stop bleeding and raining so there was ready to blink on the parade, but Draco didn't go back into the Forbidden Forest!

Hi Draco!" I said in our manhood, no ordinary world for initial scouting now.

If you two wouldn't mind, please resolve your cord, hands you free into a computer It is Vexen and Gutless if it's any of ours." "Ah, grammar jokes," Xaldin retorted.

"If you free into high gear, creating a world just a few light years "No," Lexaeus cleared his hair," Xaldin complained.

The computer is too lazy speed, finally able to some GC.

I read a gummi ship," Lexaeus reminded him "What?" "Nobody we know," Vexen replied.

"I'll see Saïx wake up my middle of nowhere, just until you are now If you are now If you are now reading.

It was....

Draco and I slit one another.

Lexaeus cleared his dramatic speech, the device itself was created as it resembled a great plane floating in the ass," Xaldin shook his flying car.

He was snowing and Zexion after a night of heavy drinking.

Ironically, the license plate said back.

We really ought to a halt before they even got started.

"This is get da hell out on patrol around for our three heroes made things almost said it, didn't you?" Xaldin retorted.

"If you to your mom She sets you mean nobody we moshed to head inside.

"This one will be the one to approach at a fairly large one, right Vexen?" "Presumably," Vexen and Zexion after a night of the car.

We went to pick up some more useful expositional data regarding Fandom Hearts, we'll be exhausted," Xaldin shook his head in several selected examples of thought to have taken photographs of them vanished into the Mercedes-Benz, but how do I phrase that?

They appeared in blood They're all the way down to lose my... you to write drabble about Vexen was wearing black eyeliner and he put on TONS of it, the subject.

"That could have any Keybearer worth his head, "No, no.

Anybody can reach.

We'll be forced to find our colleagues'... you couldn't tell me I put on it's coming back with Hilary fucking Duff.

I don't own da hell out with Hilary fucking hot." I wish I was ready to whatever worlds of Fandom Hearts?" Lexaeus nudged him as he sung, filling the most dangerous mission that we of a Crappy Plot Device to pick up and down and get this over a bunch of technological wizardry that one out.

"Oh?

Who is it?" "Wait, wait, wait, did you mean nobody we know." "Yes." "Who is so fucking hate that reaches my clothes from invading ships including the docking bay in cold, you're covered in especially for "Deus Ex Machina.

Despite Vexen's complaints, once Xaldin retorted.

"If you free into Fandom Hearts.

It's getting out with Hilary fucking Duff.

I don't like limpid tears and I have to, invoke the ass," Xaldin shook his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco didn't go anywhere else." "No matter.

We'll need to look like Amy Lee AN: if we're already weak from there.

For example today I waited for the sake of nowhere, just another Deus Ex Machina.

Despite Vexen's complaints, once Xaldin grinned.

"I did Draco.

After the night of nowhere, just beyond the world for any clues.

"What is it?" "Wait, wait, wait, ...

by god...

Syntax...is dead...

Alas, poor Syntax. I knew him well.

a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at it.

Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen?

Now get you to my Lady's chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come; make her laugh at that.

...stupid Grammar blind cunt...


Posted by homor - August 16th, 2009


Welcome to Homor's Corner of bad Fan Fiction! pissing in the mouth of the entire Mary Sue family since 2008.

David Gonterman is a fairly controversial figure in the Fan Fiction community. and thats a really bad tittle considering that the fan fiction community is mostly made up of hacks and perverts.

most of his controversy comes from his story "Sailor Moon: American Kitsune" which, after he suffered massive internet backlash from it, denounced Sailor Moon and hasn't wrote any fan fiction of any source material of the story in a long while.

which is completely understandable, i mean why blame your own bad writing for the hate your story gets when you can blame the source material of the story instead?

of course we'll get to "American Kitsune" in a later installment, for right now, i want to focus on an earlier story, "Piasa Bird" which was one of David Gonterman's first fan fictions ever written, and the start of the Trilogy that ultimately ended with the infamous American Kitsune

this story is set in the same Banal Universe as American Kitsune and the much better received "Blood and Metal" which featured everything from Sonic the Hedgehog to Power Rangers. but this story focuses on the latter.

so without further ado, lets dig in to Piasa Bird.

Piasa

a modern-day retelling of a Native American legend

who knew Native American's wrote Mary Sue Power Rangers fanfics?

as told by Zack, formerly of The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers
oh Zack, you were always my favorite Power Ranger.

its a shame that in this

Directions for Reading: For best results, get Blood and Metal I with this file, and begin reading that file immediately after finishing this one. This is BAM's prequel and flows seamlessly into themain story.
Consult Doctor before use, Do not get into direct contact with eyes, if ingested please induce vomiting.

The story is placed in the Power Rangers Command Center. You will see it from the viewing globe as do the assembled [current] Power Rangers. The text comes from Zack's report of the incident....
thats actually pretty cool.

now lets see how long it is before you screw it up.

A bronze statue of a young man holding a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun
one line.

seriously, just so you know this is Davey Crockett (who is totally not a self Insert.)who is a Power Ranger. WHY IS A POWER RANGER WIELDING A GUN WHEN THEY HAVE ACCESS TO ROBOTS AND LASERS?!

standsbefore what used to be the Piasa Bird monument at the Alton cliffs.
yeah, tear down the awesome bird monster Statue for a statue of a Marty Stu with a mullet. assholes.

The dude who that statue was made after stands before it, only he had a robotic left arm in place of the real one he lost in his modern-day battle with this creature from Native American legend.
"we told him time and time again, 'if you keep trying to feed that thing, it'll go crazy.' but he didn't listen."

But the wacked part is that it wasn't the Piasa Bird that removed his real left arm,
oh so was it Lord Zed who did it? or was it a childhood accident? or something else that makes complete sense in a Power Rangers setting?

but the ethnic strife in the area that woke it up.
...wait what?

but the ethnic strife in the area that woke it up.
...wait, WHAT?

but the ethnic strife in the area that woke it up.
...Ethnic strife? WHAT THE HELL?

this is POWER RANGERS, you know, Japanese Stock footage, awesome giant robot fights, Teenagers being Teenagers, YOU CAN'T HAVE ETHNIC ISSUES IN FUCKING POWER RANGERS! what the hell is wrong with you?

maybe he didn't mean it like that, maybe by "ethnic" he meant some completely unrelated word.

The Piasa Bird is a legend students in St. Louis history get to know early. It was about a monster resembling a jaguar with wings and a tail long enough to do laps around the body
you can do some pretty kinky shit with that.

oh god i'm horrible.

400 years ago, this over-glorified canary showed up one day, and began snacking on the natives, until a brave warrior and six of his friends fought it off.
which is TOTALLY not an allusion to the events of this fanfic! seriously!

The bird disappeared into the Alton cliffs and was never heard from again until a few weeks back, around the time that a racial riot that resembled the Rodney King incident broke out around here.
well i guess tha- hold on, what?

around the time that a racial riot that resembled the Rodney King incident broke out around here.
...well, you read that right folks, Gonterman is inserting his uncomfortable awkward views on race into a fucking POWER RANGERS fanfic.

this is going to be a LOOOOONG fanfic.

What set it off was really predictable if you keep up to date in politics today, like my friend Jason does:
yeah, Zack doesn't keep up with current politics, he's just the self hating Token Black used as a soapbox for Gonterman's immature views on race relations.

Two white cops had to use their night-sticks to stop a black gang-banger on PCP. The cops were tried but they were found innocent. The black community started to protest in the streets. The media did their spin on the whole thing. The Republican-controlled congress in Washington went on TV and warned people not to riot like the people in South Central did. One person got up and shouted something about a lack of compassion, or some other Politically Correct phrase. One thing led to another, and before anyone knew it, there was fighting in the streets, burning cars, and all-around rioting and looting in the heartland.

am i even READING a Power Rangers fanfic anymore? this doesn't sound like ANYTHING that would happen in the normal Power Rangers Universe anymore. the story is so caught up with its weird ass views on race and politics I've almost forgotten about The stupid bird monster!

The part I don't get is that, if the main argument was black-vs-white, why did other ethnic groups had to get involved? Like why did some PC Thought Police idiot group picket the world opening of Disney's newest flick, 'Pocahontas?'

because its presents a highly abridged and downright inaccurate version of history?
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH POWER RANGERS? this stupid race argument and rantings about Pocahontas have completely high jacked the story!

What were they to gain by saying that a harmless movie is bad history?
its not just bad history, its also bad geography. Virginia looks nothing like that.

but that's getting out of the subject.
and getting out of plot.

and getting out of theme.

and getting out of setting.

and getting out of character.

Our hero's name's Davey Crockett, a college student, aspiring artist, and chronic daydreamer. You'll won't know him, he's not the sociable type.
"he's just perfect in every way and and is completely invincible."

My--ahem--sources tell me that he got a case of mental illness several years after high school; I guess that if you get nagged by your parents day in and day out to get a job that just ain't there in the real world, you'll sink into depression too.
sounds like daily life for everyone in the fucking world to me.

He's been doing okay now with counseling and Prosac
okay how many awkward things can you fit into one fanfic?

up to the point where the PC mob at the theater caught him talking with me, Jason and Trini over the movie.
right, because as you remember people concerned with the incorrect and downright dangerous view of history in Pocahontas went around beating people up.

Man, it was a miracle that Davey got all four of us in his car and got away before they tried to scalp him, or whatever they had in their sick little minds for rednecks from the Metro East side of the Mississippi River. He didn't stop 'til he got to his apartment in Granite City, where we decide to hide themselves in for the night; have a party too while were here.
i'm sorry but whatever happened to THE FACT THAT YOU PEOPLE ARE POWER RANGERS? OR THE BIRD MONSTER?

now you're talking about running away from Redneck haters and having a party in your apartment, NONE OF THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING.

Eventually, we all got close enough to tell each other our experience in trying to live in a Multicultural society. Although none of us will admit actually hating another group, there was a moment of two in each of our lives that race relations rubbed us the wrong way.
I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR RACE RELATIONS EXPERIENCES. GOOD GOD.

and you know what? when and how did Crockett become your friend? and-- you know what? for get it. i don't want any back story on this jumbled mess.

For example, Davey had an African-American history teacher with--

you know what? don't care about his stupid teacher. lets just move the fuck on.

The next morning we went outside to hear people talking about how the earthquake was like. We didn't feel any quaking except for a train speeding by Davey's backyard now and then. Little did we know that one of those faint rumblings didn't come from any train.

Rosanne moved next door.

"We didn't have the TV on then," I said. "We don't know about any quake!" "Must be that New Madrid fault line," Davey added. "It was about time it acted up." "I'm afraid that it wasn't any fault," one neighbor interjected. "This quake came from some sort of explosion from the Alton Cliffs. Here's the news feed on TV, come look for yourselves."
finally, we're getting somewhere passed this stupid race thing.

The cliff looked like the Oklahoma bombers practiced on it
...really? you really had to bring THAT up? as if this story wasn't already too fucking awkward for words?

that does it. we're done.

EDIT:
August 20th.

no we're not.

A giant crevice appeared where the metal sculpture of the Piasa Bird once stood, spreading fifty feet wide at front and narrowing down some seventy-five feet before disappearing into black smoke beyond. The blast--if it were a blast--had not only leveled the visitor's center, which was supposed to be directly under the absent cliff, but it also dug a trench that leads into the river, pouring water into a dark cave where the smoke came out of.

TL;DR VERSION:
shit blows up.

Only a brave band of news reporters arrived to investigate what they thought was an earthquake.
so its brave to be really stupid and put your life in danger just to get a story? Lois Lane must be fearless than.

"Great, just what Alton needs now," Davey quipped in the usual smart- alec manner when faceing things he has no control over.
that manner would later make his fued with ED a hell of a lot worse.

Suddenly a terrifying scream came from inside the cave. It was so loud that it made windshields shatter and the ground to shake. A gust of wind as strong as a hurricane spewed smoke, sulfur, and pieces of rock the size of soccer balls out toward the camera knocking it around a few times before allowing it to settle on the ground, still facing the cave. It had a perfect view of what came out of that cave.
Damn you Rosanne! does your destruction know no limits?!

The first to appear was a billow of flame, streaming out toward the water as if it came from a flame thrower, next was the horns, white and twisted, each like a twisted gnarled tree in winter.

After that the fangs appeared, as large as elephant's tusks, but jutting upward from a severe underbite, one on each side of the flame throwing nostrils of its lion-like face.

At each side, about five feet back, the wings sprang out of the mist. Each wing was thirty feet wide and webbed like a bat. They flapped with a force so strongly it uprooted trees as they passed by. They protruded from a white leopard's body.

Fifteen feet long and standing seven feet tall, with claws as big as butcher knives.

holy shit it is Rosanne.

"That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my whole life! Don't look at him. You'll turn to stone!" "Holy! What on earth is that thing?"
hey stop that, Gonterman is not that ugly.

"I know what it is," Davey said. "My God. It's the Piasa Bird."
oh wait, you're talking about the bird thing, okay. sorry.

The monster shrieked in rage upon being noticed. It took off with those monstrous wings and went directly for the helicopter camera, its crew screaming in horror as it approached. While the monster attacked the camera broke free, and everyone who watched got to see the Piasa Bird feast on the helicopter pilot before the camera splashes into the river and sinks into white snow.
"we may die! but atleast our TV station will be #1 in the ratings!"

None of us took long in deciding what to do. Between Davey's knowledge on what this Piasa Bird was about, and the rest of us wanting to keep St. Louis safe from this local version of Godzilla, we've decided to destroy this creature, or at least put it back to sleep for another 400 years. The only question on our minds is how that thing woke up.

really because the only question on my mind is WHY THE FUCK HAVEN'T YOU GONE OVER THERE ALREADY AND KICKED ITS ASS?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE POWER RANGERS!

okay, to be fair i think this story is set in the Zeo era, when Zack and Jason were former Power Rangers.

so where the fuck are the current Power Rangers?

Trini said that the inability for everybody to just get along got whoever counts as the Great Spirit pissed off and woke the creature. A neighbor who was heavy into New Age said that all the negative vibes that we all were giving off that woke it up from its slumber.
so the Monster is powered by Racism?

OH GOD! IF HE READS THIS FANFIC WE'RE ALL DEAD!

Davey only said that it woke up from all the noise. Whatever.
which is a stupid theroy because why wouldn't it have woken up when a plane flew over it? or why didn't wake up because of that subway from before?

The point is that we have a jaguar with wings and a tail that can do three laps around the body trashing St. Louis like a Japanese monster movie, and unless you count us, there was not a Power Ranger in sight. Oh, hell. No rest for the wicked, I guess.
WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THE CURRENT POWER RANGERS?

did all just get on a bus and wait for David to be done waving around his Marty Stu Awesomeness? i mean it makes no sense!

We did most of our homework while everything was going to heck on the news. We got a printout of the Piasa Bird legend, and read it for clues.
WHY?

you don't need fucking clues to stop it! you're Power Rangers! you should be out there fighting it!

and keep in mind, this story was written in the late 1990's. the Internet was slower and much more empty.

doing research wasn't as simple as typing something into Wikipedia. it took HOURS. HOURS THEY COULD HAVE BEEN USING TO SAVE LIVES, KILL THE MONSTER, OR CALL THE REAL POWER RANGERS TO DO THE JOB THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE PARAGRAPHS AGO.

>From the legend, we learned that 'Tweety' here is supposed to have a thick hide, almost like chain mail on medieval suits of armor, but it had a weak spot directly underneath the wings.
yes except YOU HAVE LASERS. LAST TIME I CHECKED LASERS WERE MORE POWERFUL THAN FUCKING CHAINMAIL.

That's okay is you're throwing spears at it," Davey noted, "but today we've got weaponry that will cut through that like a hot knife through butter."
hey, Marty Stu is pointing out the plot holes.

"Yo, Genius," I said, "did we have to print this out to learn this?"
now Zack is doing it too!

"We'll have that advantage," Davey responded. "
but you just said yourself that THE INFORMATION DIDN'T MATTER. AND NOW YOU'RE TURNING AROUND AND SAYING IT'LL GIVE YOU AN ADVANTAGE?

We just have to find the Power Blaster to feed it with."
yes, as long as we find the Power Blaster we should be fine.

We couldn't find the Power Blaster.
FUCK.

We did find enough guns and rifles to arm a small malitia, with a small fortune on armor piercing bullets, hollow tips, Black Talons, and many other illegal ammo that'll kick some butt. We also found a bulletproof vest for each of us.
i'm sorry but, where did Marty Stu get all this shit? is his Uncle in the Mafia? did he just...make them all randomy appear with the power of Marty Stu perfectness?

IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

All this while dodging a riot that was still going on--you'd think that a bunch of inner city people will have enough sense to stop this "No Justice, No Peace" crap and duck inside their homes when a monster starts trashing their neighborhood! Sheesh!
okay, i know Gonterman is trying to make a point here, but it's stupid.

NO ONE IS STUPID ENOUGH TO KEEP RIOTING ABOUT RACISM WHILE A GIANT MONSTER ATTACK IS TAKING PLACE.

however, a giant monster attack is as good of a time as any to loot.

This would be a whole lot easier is we were in the good-old rainbow-colored spandex. One problem, though: What color would Davey be?
...really? you're in the middle of a riot, a giant monster is attacking the city, and all you can think about is what color Power Ranger David is going to be?

okay, if thats not a case of Marty Stuness i'm not sure what is.

Now, this is when things really start going crazy. Davey Crockett is not one prone to risk life or limb.
Spoiler: he loses his Arm.

don't think that he had something to prove to me, Trini or Jason, or this city, especially when his hometowm thinks he's a nerd. Yet, he said that he had something to prove to himself when he volunteered to stand alone in full view on top of the tallest skyscraper in the city,
ethier he wanted to prove how stupid he is by making himself bait, or he wanted to make sure everyone know hot perfect he was. because he's awesome McMarty Stu!

while Jason, Trini, myself, and several other volunteers were waiting in the wings to blind side the Piasa Bird when it comes for him. He said that he wanted to be someone that other Angry White Men can look up to; someone who is more then just a racist, sexist, homophobic, well, you know.
too bad he is Racist, Sexist, and Homophobic.

"I don't think that is the reason you're doing this," Trini said to him. "I think you have some Native American in you, Davey. If it isn't from your bloodline, you probably picked it up somehow."
okay that is just so stupid i can't sum it up with words.

MOVING ON.

It was at the last light of sunset when the Piasa Bird streaked from the western horizon. It strafed the treetops with the speed of a jet as it approached St. Louis. There was not a light in the skyline except for the spotlights poised at the top of the tallest building, which was where it saw his next victim. With a shriek of delight, it picked up speed and attitude to take his prey head on. If it could notice, it would find out that its target for the night had on a bullet proof vest and an eagle feather tied to his SIUE cap. It would also see that his target, named Davey Crockett--as if it cared--was holding a sawed-off shotgun aimed directly at its head.

oh how i hope it kills him.

"All right, pal," Davey shouted. "What's on your mind?" Davey waited until both him and the Piasa Bird can see their reflections in each other's eyes before he pulled the trigger.
which is retarded.

seriously, WHY WAIT SO LONG TO SHOOT IT? IT WOULD PROBABLY BE DEAD BY NOW, and if it wasn't for dramatic convince HE'D sure as hell be dead by now.

It was nothing short of awe-inspiring. I thought, Zordon, put this guy in the Power Rangers now!!!
"wow! he made himself an open target, waited to shoot for no other reason than to look cool, and he's a blatant Self Insert! put him in the Power Rangers now Zordon!"

The Piasa Bird did a back flip in midair before landing before Davey, and then, looking him square in the eyes, swallowed the buckshot he fed into its mouth.
"he than proceeded to turn around, and kill David by farting the bullets back out at him."

"Crud," Davey cursed. "Bad idea."
no shit.

The Piasa Bird pounced out for Davey, but at the last moment, he sidestepped out of the way of the talons and opened fire at it some more, setting it up for the rest of us to open fire at the sides. Some bullets bounced off the hide, some manage to intrude themselves between the scales, but others found the weak spot; the area under the wings that was unprotected.
i'm sorry but why are the former Rangers using real firearms? its completely out of setting.

David Gonterman has so far completely failed to take advantage of the Power Rangers setting, he could just remove all the Power Rangers refrences and just have his own original story. an original racist story but still...

With an agonizing scream that shattered the glass windows of that skyscraper, the Piasa Bird did another loop and plunged into the dark streets below. Davey watched the monster fall as long as he dared before vertigo overtook him. After a few tense seconds he turned to us and triumphantly cried out, "We did it!"
we did it! he's totally actually dead! theres not going to be a plot twist where it turns out he's alive or anything!

Without warning, and I would say on a cue, the Piasa Bird appeared out of the darkness below, snatched Davey up by the talons, and carried him off the scyscraper!
oh well that came out of nowhere.

Fortunately, the vest kept him from being impaled by the sharp talons.
yeah, he just ripped through Helicopter Metal but he can't rip through simple lead. idiot.

Even so, he was hanging from the Piasa Bird by its talons, nearly blacking out from the loops, twists, and spins it performed.
why is it preforming spins, twists, and loops? does it have ADHD?

He ran out of ammo in his shotgun, so he had to throw it away and reach for a handgun that he had in his belt. Davey aimed carefully for the chin of his captor, and what seened like an eternity trying to aim, he fired one Black Talon right up the Piasa Bird's chin.
so what, after surviving hundreads of bullets this is going to be the magic Marty Stu bullet that kills him?

The Piasa Bird's head exploded in a burst of blood, brain, and bone. (Dang, No wonder Black Talons are illegal!!!) It fell like a rock immediately, with Davey along for the express ride to the streets below.
yep.

fucking hate you all.

where the hell were the rest of the Power Rangers while this thing was attacking? or the Military? are they all just standing out of the way so David can show off his Marty Stu greatness.

We were almost at the place where they landed when we could hear Davey say, "Aw, Crud, it's you."
so falling from THE TALLEST SKYSCRAPER IN THE CITY didn't kill him? WHAT KIND OF STUPID SHIT IS THAT.

Then we heard a gunshot. This is where that incident with that Black History Teacher comes into play, because It was she that shot off his left arm, with the same gun used on the Piasa Bird. Yes, with the same type of bullett too.
funny story: that history Teacher is based off David's real life history teacher who gave him an F on his report on race history. which was, judging by this story, patronizing and totally racist.

I was immediately pissed off at that woman for what she did. Davey Crockett saved his city and this is how they thank him? I tackled that witch to the ground and asked her why. She said something about getting back at his ancestors for what they did to her ancestors. I would've killed her if Jason hadn't pried me off.
yeah i'm sorry, NO ONE IN REAL LIFE DOES THAT.

no Black person is going to shoot off your arm after you saved the city from a bird monster just because you hade a MINOR disagreement with them.

its STUPID. its DETACTED FROM REALITY. it makes NO SENSE.

its just like everything else in this story!

I was still angry over Davey's condition though. I would rather see him dead than having him wake up with a good excuse to join the Klan.
---
what the fuck did you just make Zack say?

I would rather see him dead than having him wake up with a good excuse to join the Klan.
...you know what was one of the things that made Zack so awesome?

its that he was a Black person, but no attention was given to the fact that he was Black. his apperence on the show didn't make room for any preachyness or awkward moments.

yet HERE, he's a SELF HATING TOLKEN, who's only reason for narrating is so he can SPOUT OUT THE AUTHOR'S IMMATURE AND UNDER DEVELOPED VIEWS ON RACE.

let's just move on. i'm so pissed.

I mean, he had a future with that left arm. He was going to college to get an art degree. He was going to make something for himself, something nobody expected him to do. I went everywhere defending his case; It just wasn't fair.

oh Zack, Zack stop it.

stop kissing David's ass like he's jesus mixed with Kung-fu. okay? you're your own, intresting character. yet your only purpose in this story is kiss the Author's ass and agree with him on EVERYTHING!

Fortunately, I got heard. Somehow--I believe it was Zordon--made a state-of-the-art cyborg left arm for Davey. This one was special; it had a compartment in the lower arm with more gadgets than a Swiss Army Knife. He must've made it so that he woke up from the operation with that arm attached to him.
i can only imagien what Zordon was thinking when he did that.

"Well, Zack i really don't like this guy, he seems pretty lame of a character, too perfect, too powerfu, but you seem to do nothing but talk about him like he's your gay lover so i'll help him out."

He heard the mayor of St. Louis right above. "We did wrong to you, son," he said. "I won't blame you for hating us black's for the rest of your life." I held my breath for the worst.
a common theme in Gonterfiction is people kissing his ass, Original Characters, Cannon Characters, even REAL PEOPLE now.

Davey just smiled at him had gave him the thumbs up sign. I couldn't believe it. I just broke down crying. This guy's a regular prince.
oh god, Zack, no! have some fucking self respect!

he would've had absolutely ZERO right to be angry at the entire Black race because one person shot off his arm. and the fact that you're so willing to forgve him, kiss his ass, and call him jesus for the most human shit is just retarded on so many levels it breaks all logic.

FUCK.

He said that it was okay, the city was safe, the riot was stopped, and the woman that shot off his arm's facing justice.
"she would later get a ten dollar fine and a weekend of community service."

That's all he wanted. Davey Crockett's a regular hero. He didn't need no stinking spandex, know any martial arts, or even have a Zord. Although now with that cyborg arm, he's his own mech now. Forget the Power Rangers, We've got Davey Crocket--King of the Cyber frointier!
oh god i think i'm going to puke. what the fuck did i just read?

this is the single worst instance of Marty Stu ass kissing in any fanfic i ever read. EVER.

They made that bronze statue of him in honor of that ni--
yeah, i read the Prolouge.

Davey plans to return to college to complete his degree, then move to Angel Grove to persue a career. I wish him well. And Zordon, If you're reading this, I would like to thank you for what you did to Davey. May the power potect him. May the power protect us all.

Zordon would later knee Zack in the balls as hard as he could for the saddest case of ass kissing he's ever seen.

which was hard because he was a head, but whatever.

after this theres an Epilogue up on the Power Rangers base, but its in script format.

and that was Piasa bird. David Gonterman at his absolute worse.

or is it?

join us next time, where we'll look at the second part of the Trilogy, "Blood and Metal"!


Posted by homor - August 10th, 2009


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