introduction-
hello all, i am homor sampson, you may remember me from such hits as the long running tv show "the sampsons" or the hit movie based on the tv show "the sampsons movie" or the video game based on the hit tv show "the sampsons: hit and file insurence charges"

*rimshot*

but in all seriousness im here to review a dvd, not to make an elaborate parody of the simpsons.

(and by elaborate, i mean shitty)

in this blog post i will review "family guy: the freakin' sweet collection" and spoiler alert: its not that sweet.

well, first of all this dvd is NOT a box set, so no, it doesn't have a seasons worth of episodes.

second, this dvd only contains five episodes and one short.

The episodes on the disc include:

When You Wish Upon a Weinstein
Road to Rhode Island ("Uncensored" version)
To Love and Die in Dixie
I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar
Lethal Weapons

all the episodes are pre comeback, before the show was canceled and un-canceled.

the problem with that? this is debateable but in my humble opinon all the best episodes are post comeback.

the gimick to this dvd is that the episodes on this dvd were the handpicked favorite episodes of the creators.

that and it had a banned episode on it "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein" but, that episode is no longer banned so its basicly just, an episode.

it also had a deleted sence from "Road to Rhode Island", but i swear to Odin i saw it on adult swim before.

it also has new commentary, so thats kinda cool, and one of the commentarys is a big skit between brain and stewie.

i guess every episode on the dvd should be reviewed individualy.

When You Wish Upon a Weinstein-
this episodes kinda funny, it has some good jokes and a decent plot.

one thing about this episode is that it was once cut from fox because the song about the jewish peter sung contained the line "even though they killed my lord" when the episode first aried on adult swim it was changed to "i don't think they killed my lord"

its nice to hear a deleted line, but its just not on par with a deleted sence.

this episode also has NO COMMENTARY, you read that right, unless you read that as "BLAGRBLAHBLUBLAHBLAH I WANT TO SQUEEZ YO' GIRLFREINDS TITS BOOLGBLARGHBLAHBAHBOO!" in that case you should consider suicide.

but seriously, no commentary was added to this episode, and that really pissed me off, did they think that just bcause it was banned that they can get away with that shit? well now its not even banned anymore, and im sorry but one cut line can't make up for an entire episode of commentary.

3/5
decent episode, nothing too funny, lacks commentary.

Road to Rhode Island ("Uncensored" version)-
ok, lets clear one thing up first, the "uncensorded" part of this episodeis the sence with osama bin laden that was cut out, ethier this episode aried before 9/11 and it was cut out then or wikipedia is an idiot liar and they were always cut out.

its just osama bin laden singing showtunes, nothing to cream your pants about, it was never on dvd but i swear to every god imagenable i saw it on adult swim.

anyway this episodes fair, nothing luagh out loud funny but it had some good momments, and if you're one of those fan-fiction freaks it has brain licking stewie in his sleep and stewie telling mr.griaffe to "get all the marmelade" during.

the commentary for this episode is just one big skit between brain and stewie, acting like real life actors, its not really a substitute for real commentary but its kinda funny

episode with commentary
3.5/5
episode without commentary
3/5

To Love and Die in Dixie-
this episodes ok to, nothing amazing, there are a few stand out jokes such as the jeff foxworthy joke and when peter gets covered in piss, but nothing too funny.

this is the first episode on the dvd to have any real commentary, so i have to give it credit there, but really the episode itself isn't the best episode ever.

3/5

I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar-
another episode that doesn't really stand out, but is still ok, this episode is the origin of the gif of stewie sucking peters boob, so yeah, thats kinda funny, and if fat mans tits getting sucked by babies turns you on i guess this episode...and years of intesne emothinaly painful therapy are for you.

this episode also has commentary from seth macfarlen or whatever and a writer and the chick from mad tv who does the voice of lois, and shes my favorite cast member so that makes it stand out.

still....

3/5

Lethal Weapons-
this is the episode where the family beats the shit out of each other, a classic episode indeed and the real crown jewl of this dvd, but to be fair you can fin it on other family guy dvds so don't get to hasty.

the commentary is very intresting, seth explains where the term "leafers" comes from and his experiance with them as a child, as well as many other things that i would have to go on about every detail of this episode to explain.

4/5
the best episode on the dvd.

theres also the original pilot for american dad, but that isn't a family guy episode so i'll skip it, its the short version BTW.

so in summary, this dvd isn't all that freakin' sweet, its nice and all, but nothing incredible is on this dvd.

if you're a collecter of family guy dvds then i would by this episode to add to the collection.

but for everyone one else there really isn't much reason to buy this dvd, as it will just end up collecting dust in a matter of weeks.

final rating:
rent

*rimshot*

I3 < THAT IS A COLON, DON'T QUESTION IT JUST PLAY ALONG.

3 < THAT IS THE NUMER THREE

. < THAT IS MY DRAWING OF MASTER CHIEF AS A GAY COWBOY, IF YOU CAN'T SEE IT THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU.

SO COLON THREE WOULD BE THIS v

I3 I3 I3

THAT IS VERY UN-CLASSIFIED-IE.

vikings.

vikings.

end.

Sister Christian, oh the time has come
And you know that you're the only one to say
Okay
Where you goin', what you looking for?
You know those boys don't want to play no more with you
It's true

You're motoring
What's your price for flight,
And finding Mister Right?
You'll be all right tonight

Babe, you know you're growing up so fast
And momma's worrying that you won't last to say
Let's play

Sister Christian, there's so much in life
Don't you give it up before your time is due
It's true
It's true (Yeah)

You're motoring
You've got him in your sights
And driving through the night
You're motoring
What's your price for flight,
And finding Mister Right?
You'll be all right tonight

You're motoring
What's your price for flight,
And finding Mister Right?
You'll be all right tonight
You're motoring
What's your price for flight,
And finding Mister Right?
You'll be all right...
Tonight

Sister Christian, oh the time has come
And you know that you're the only one to say
Okay
But you're motoring
Yeah, motoring

don't even try to disagree.

he would kill chuck noris in 256 awful ways before he even hit the ground.

i was going to post a picture of squidward but i was too affraid stallone may get mad.

that wasn't even that long huh?

not a very long one, just for like a few days.

im starting to get sick of all the bullshit here, i need to get away for a little while and do some other shit.

i am NOT leaving the bbs, ill be back in at the most 5 days.

so yeah, ill see you all in a while.

i also encourage making a topic about my hiatus 'cuz that would be a nice gesture.

before i go on hiatus i'll post this.

i was watching tv today when my stomach started acheing.

i got off my couch and stared to raid the frige, much to my dissipinotment there was nothing in it.

i decided to get some fast food since it was all i had in mind.

after thinking to myself where to go for a littlw while i decided to go to subway, i got on my bike and started to head down town, after about ten hours in traffic i made it to the parking lot and chained up my bike.

i walked inside and talked to the the clerk

clerk: welcome to buway, may i take your order?
me: ill just take a plain turkey sub, no chesse, no veggies, just turkey.
clerk: would you like any sides with that?
me: no thank you.

while i waited for them to make my sandwich an old man walked in.

he was using a cane to walk and was dressed in a robe, no like a bath robe or anything, like a hood robe, it was black, he appered to be strugleing to keep himself standing, he was shaking repidly, as if he had parkensons diesese, he had his hood up as if he was trying to keep himself warm,

his cane appered to be the only thing keeping him up, and even with that cane it still looked like he could fall over any minute. the man obviously was on the brink of death.

he waited behind me in line for the clerk, i just ignored him and waited for my meat.
when my samwitch was FINALY done, i took and sat fown at a beanch, i unwraped it and was about to take a bite until i decieded to watch the old man make his order, since i was curious about him,

he began to talk to the clerk.

clerk: and what will it be sir?
old man: i would like a plain sandwich with turkey, nothing else.

he waited for the clerk to come back with his sandwich, i could have sworn i saw him fall asleep on the spot atleast once while waiting, it was a little bit weird.

when the clerk came back he was about to hand him his sub until he saw the money the old man handed him.

it was an entire bag of nothing but pennies, UNwraped pennies, this is where it got ugly.

clerk: sir...are you trying to pay for this sandwich in pennis? (he had it the sub in his hand while bitching out the old man BTW)
old man: i could have sworn i wraped them before i left off to this store.
clerk: im sorry sir but you're going to have to leave.
old man: but...i heaven't even eaten in three days...
clerk: well you're going to die soon anyway.

the old turned around and head towards the dorr, he such a dissapoint look on his face, and he had long beard too so it was just much more sad.

he opened the door and was about to leave until i stood up and said "wait!"

i walked up to him and talked to him.

me: here, take my sub...
old man: .....are you sure?
me: yeah, i don't need it, ill just buy another one.
old man: why thank you, such a nice boy you are.
me: no big deal.

i bought another sandwich and sat down at me beanch.

after i had finished my sandwich i was ready to leave until the old man i helped got up.

i wanted to watch him leave, something about him just cuaght my attention.

as he got there were three men (all of them looked like wiggers) we're right standing right next to the door, when the old man tryed to get to it they blocked it.

they began to threten the old man.

guy1: well hi there, leave so soon?
oldman: yes, i haave places i've got to go.
guy2: we see you have alot of pennies left, we need some pennies for the bug, ccould you spare some?
oldman: im sorry boys but i need this money to pay for the bus myself.

thats when they got scary, they pulled jack knifes out of their pockets and branthished them at the old man.

guy1: are you so sure that you don't wanna give those pennis? 'cuz we really need 'em!
guy3: yeah!

thats when the old did something that amazed me to no end, im still in shock by what happened.

oldman: ...hmm, it seems to me you really need my money...tell you what, i'll give you the pennies, but before you can have them, you have to drop those dangerous play things you have, get on your knees, and you all have to kiss me on the ass one time, and then ill think about giveing you all a penny each.
guy1 (looking really angry): ...what...did...you...SAY?

i was amazed at what the old man did, he didn't even pay any mind to the fact they had KNIFES, but it didn't end there, oh no, he started waving his butt in all their faces and saying "come on, kiss it you pussys!" over and over, at this point they were all reall pissed

guy1: you know what? at first i felt bad about robbing your sorry ass, but now? im going to kill you too.
oldman: go ahead, give your best shot you cock sucking cum loving sissy.

the guy lifted up his knife like he was going to stab him, but when he tryed the old slaped the knife out of his hand and put his foot on it so he couldn't pick it up.

oldman: ok boy, up until this point, it was cute.

the old man grabed the robber by the arm and fliped him over his head, crashing him ino a table.

guy2: holy shit!
clerk (yelling out from the counter): im calling the fucking cops!
guy3: holy shit lets get the fuck out of here tim!

they tryed to get to the doors but before they could leave the old man triped them with his cane

old man: aw, going so soon? but you for got your PENNIES.

he began to take the pennies he was carying from his bag and droped them on all three them, none them we're able to get up because they we're bruised so bad.

he began to turn away from the door, and then he over heard the clerk talking on the phone with the police.

clerk: hello!? 911!? there is a crazed old man attacking people inside the store and-

before he could finish what he said the old man yellled out "hey assshole!" the clerk looked over to him as the old man said "penny for your thoughts?"

he threw a penny from his bag at him like a frisbe, it hit the clerk in the eye, he began to stumble around until he triped over into the frying grease and burned his face off, dying in the process.

he then held his hand up in the air, this is where it gets sur-real.

he made a gesture as if he was about to snap his fingers, before he did he said "careful with all those pennys boys, that wealth can some times be too HOT to handle."

as he snaped his fingers the pennys began to glow, the three men began to look baffled at what had happened.

the glow quickly started to spark sizzle, the three guys started shaking and moving around trying t o get up, smoke started to come of the pennies, going from gray to dark gray, the three guys were trip all over themselfs trying to get the pennies off of them and trying to get away, but it was of no use.

one of pennies on the first guy who was unable to move at all from his ass kicking cuaght on fire, the fire began to spread to the other pennies on him until all the pennies on him were on fire, he began to shout "AHH! IT BURNS! HELP! HELP! SOMEONE HELP!"

the fire spread to the pennies on guy 2, who had much of the same reaction, and then to guy three.

they all started screming and moving franticly, one of them got up and started running around the store, setting many tables on fire and soon enough the wall until he finaly stop moving.

at some point all of them stoped moving all of them were dead, all of them we're only the only ones in the store besides me, the clerk (whos dead) and the old man, the wall was on fire from guy2 touching it, the entire store was set ablaze, the tables and the counter cuaght on fire, i got of my seat and triped over some wall debre.

i thought it was all over from here, i closed my eyes and started to cry, but when i opened them the fire was gone, along with the entire store.

i looked around and the only thing left was the old man, and he didn't even look the same anymore, the same anymore, his bone shaking hands were swallowen and looked like that of a gorilas hands.

his long beard went from gray and dead to brown and full of life, his cane was now held in hands with ease, he stood by himself with his shoulders up and his hood down as the sun glew off his bald head.

what cuaght my attention the most was the fact that he had an eye patch on.

once i saw the eye patch it all became obvious who he was, but i had to be sure.

i stood up and walked towards him and began to talk to him.

me: are you.........Odin?

he just look at me with a smile on his face and noded his head yes.

he began to walk away from the ruins of the subway, but before he left he looked at me and said

" thank you for the sandwich."

i rubbed my eyes and he was gone.

i went home, lied on the couch, turned on the tv, and put it on the jeffersons.

before i went to sleep i thought about what hapwned, it was then i said to myself the words i will never forget, the advice i would follow for the rest of my life.

"lesson learned, never eat at subways again."

blah blah blah.

<this post is hit and will go nowear and will soon be deleted by me.>