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homor
Self-published independent author, writer and avid enjoyer of stupid, popcorn entertainment. Always happy to help!
"We all have a thousand bad drawings in us, the sooner you get them out the better." - Chuck Jones.

Age 29, Male

Writer

The Shadow Realm

Joined on 11/11/05

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homor's News

Posted by homor - October 4th, 2007


it has nothing do with "fabs"

it has nothing to do with being funny

it has nothing to do with idioctic roleplay that im not even going to dignifiy.

its just, this site is already covered in pink, its time for a change.

besides, this one looks better with my icon.

in summary:
if i don't survive, tell my wife "hello"

im netrual now.


Posted by homor - October 3rd, 2007


......

hey guys they were out of snickers.


Posted by homor - October 2nd, 2007


up until the point you idiots had to make it a soical movment and ruin the joke completly.

still, im keeping this aura, mostly because i like the way it looks, but i don't want to be a "fabbot".

i don't want to be a furry who steals overdone 4chan memes,

its gotten to the point where term fabbot itself makes me cringe.

its enough to almost make me want to change my aura, of cousres, this is the only arua i really like the look of, so.....yeah.

the fab aura WAS funny.


Posted by homor - October 2nd, 2007


MORE LIKE GAY, LUIGI?

"ay luigi?"?


Posted by homor - October 1st, 2007


wensday this week the second part of south parks season 11 run begins.

the sarah silvermen show comes back for its second season.

the season finale of code monkeys on g4 will be shown after a marathon of all the first season episodes.

and on thursday drawn together comes back, of coures its just the second part of season 3 and its been delayed for mounths.

it looks to be a good mounth.

i love october, its the mounth my birthday is and the mounth with halloween.

new shit coming up.


Posted by homor - September 30th, 2007


get down on your damn knees and pray to him faggots.

and no i don't mean pray for him to your imagenary zues (whos no where as cool as odin) i mean fucking pray TO him for forgivness for your sins of being a faggot.

holy shit its zekeys birthday.


Posted by homor - September 29th, 2007


watch this.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=YbGSDkvh 8B0

try and tell me that doesn't cheer you up.

just TRY to tell me.

and if you don't you better have a damn good excusse like a dead loved one or cancer or some shit.

having a bad day?


Posted by homor - September 29th, 2007


[1---------------------------]

[2------------------------]

if these two paragraphs are far apart , its the intended result.

if not, well shit.

EDIT: well shit, doesn't work on your blog either.

quick paragraph test.


Posted by homor - September 28th, 2007


there is now fucking smiley on the internet that can describe how PUMPED i am for halloween this year!

halloween is fucking awesome!

i don't even have to say why its awesome, but i will!

1- ambiance
i love everything about the feel of halloween!the gouls, the ghosts, osama bin laden, everthing about it is awesome and creepy, slasher flicks are often and when not in theaters, they're play in marathons.

2- costumes
on ANY other day of the year if you wore a silly costume you'd be acused of being a child fiddeler, nut not on halloween, well, if you don't do it in public at an adult age. (exp

3- candy!
no futher explanation needed.

yeah, i know those are all preaty immature reasons, but hell, this day brings out my inner 8 year old! i LOVE halloween!

i was born the day before halloween, the real day of my life was basiclay halloween, this day is fucking awesome.

well, thats all i have say, happy halloween, its like, still a little while away, but hell, its only around once a year!

halloween is almost here!


Posted by homor - September 26th, 2007


oh, why hello there! i didn't see you come in.

you know that counts as truspassing right? leagely speaking i could shoot you in the balls and it be ok.

but i won't do that, i can't afford another assualt chrage after that whole "star fighter" inncident, ooh, lets never talk about THAT again.

well, now that you're here you'll have to listen to my insane rantings, if you don't ill have to murder you, i've been to jail.....aside from the shower rape it wasn't SO bad.

for a long time now i've been promising anyone who visted my blog free beer and porn, well today im going to live up to that promise, but more on that later.

since the begining of this blog i have posted song lyrics in blog posts when i was bored, well today 4 things are gonna happen:

1- im going to stop post song lyrics for awhile
2- you're all gonna get the beer you've been asking for
3- im going to have an orgasm
4- im going to fall asleep

i am about to post an ass load of song lyrics in this post, if you can read thru them all you WILL get the porn and beer you've all been asking for.

or....i guess you could just.......skip it all but, wheres the fun in that, you know?

WELL, HERE WE GO!
.
.
.
.
.
.
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------
A long, long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the federation into
Maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy...

Oh my my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave
But he can use the Force, they say
Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen
Yah, he's probably gonna marry her someday
Well, I know he built C-3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy

We started singin' ...
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh, the Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance to the Force?
They interview the kid
Oh, training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said "Now listen here"
"Just stick it in your pointy ear"
"I still will teach this boy"

He was singin' ...
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would've liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end some Gunguns died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this boy

And I was singin' ...
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We were singin' ...
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies all I agree I look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Caruso
It's as primitave as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
Think you're really rightous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise

Yuck
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------
I finally made it through med school
Somehow I made it through
I'm just an intern
I still make a mistake or two

I was last in my class
Barely passsed at the institute
Now I'm trying to avoid, yah I'm trying to avoid
A malpractise suit

Hey, like a surgeon
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Organ transplants are my line

Better give me all your gause nurse
This patient's fading fast
Complications have set in
Don't know how long he'll last

Let me see, that I.V.
Here we go - time to operate
I'll pull his indsides out, pull his insides out
And see what he ate

Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Here's a waiver for you to sign

Woe, woe, woe

It's a fact - I'm a quack
The disgrace of the A.M.A.
'Cause my patients die, yah my patients die
Before they can pay

Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Got your kidneys on my mind

Like a surgeon, ooh like a surgeon
When I reach inside
With my scalpel, and my forceps, and retractors
Oh oh, oh oh, woe, oh

Ooh baby, yah
I can hear your heartbeat
For the very last time
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------
Yeah, I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want
So tell us what you want, what you really really want
I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want
So tell us what you want, what you really really want
I wanna ha, I wanna ha, I wanna ha, I wanna ha
I wanna really really really wanna zigga zigga ah
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends)
Make it last forever, friendship never ends
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give (you've got to give)
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is

Hey!

I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And I'm so hot, 'cause I'm in hell
I'm not sick, but I'm not well
And it's a sin (yes it's a sin) to live so well

Ghetto superstar - that is what you are
Coming from afar, reaching for the stars
Run away with me, to another place
We can rely on each other, uh huh
From one corner to another, uh huh

Everybody (yeah)
Rock your body (yeah)
Everybody
Rock your body right
Backstreet's back, all right
All right

So don't delay, act now, supplies are running out
But now if you're still alive, six to eight years to arrive
And if you follow, there may be a tomorrow but if the offer's shun
You might as well be walking on the sun
Might as well be walking on the sun

Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic
Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic
Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You're never gonna keep me down

Quicker than a ray of light
Quicker than a ray of light
Quicker than a ray of li-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ight

I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted
I wanna take you for granted
Yeah, yeah, well I will

I want something else
To get me through this semi-charmed kinda life, baby baby
I want something else
I'm not listening when you say good-bye
Doot doot doot doot do do do
Doot doot doot doot do do do
Doot doot doot doot do do do
Do do do do do do

There's lots of pretty, pretty ones
That want to get you high
But all the pretty, pretty ones
Will leave you low and blow your mind
We're all stars now in the dope show
We're all stars now in the dope show

Mmmbop, do floppa do wop
Do be dop ah
Do wap, do zap ah, do
Yeah-ee yeah
Mmmbop, do b'zap ah, do wop
Do be dop ah
Do wop, doom zap ah, do

I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting devious stares in my direction
Mama, this surely is a dream
Yeah, yeah mama, this surely is a dream
Dig it, yeah mama, this surely is

Closing time
One last call for alcohol
So finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time
You don't have to go home
But you can't stay here
I know who I wanna take me home
I know who I wanna take me home
I know who I wanna take me home
Take us home

'Cause it's CLOSSSIIINNGGG TTIIIMMMEEE!!!

Hey
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------
Aquarius!
There's travel in your future when your tounge
freezes to the back of a speeding bus,
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing
Whack-a-mole 17 hours a day.

Pieces!
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola Virus
You are the true lord of the dance,
No matter what those idiots at work say

Aries!
The look on your face will be priceless
when you find that 40 pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf,
And give a hickey to Meryl Streep.

Taurus!
You will never find true happiness,
What you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up,
do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep.

Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today
Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today

Gemini!
Your birthday party will be ruined once again,
by your explosive flatulance,
Your love life will run into trouble
when your fiance hurles a javilin through your chest.

Cancer!
The position of Jupiter says that you should spend
the rest of the week face down in the mud,
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose
while taking your driving test.

Leo!
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt
and staple it to your bosses face, oh no,
Eat a bucket of tuna flavored pudding
and wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quick

Virgo!
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligence,
EXCEPT FOR YOU!
Expect a big suprise today,
when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick.

Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today
Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconciveable
or at the very least a bit unlikely,
that the relative position of the
planets and the stars could have
a special deep significance
or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
But let me give you my assurance
that these forcasts and predictions,
are all based on solid scientific documented evidence,
so you would have to be some kind of moron,
not to realize that every single one
of them is absoultely true, Where was I?

Libra!
A big promotion is just around the corner,
for someone much more talented than you!
Laughter is the very best medicine,
remember that when your appendix bursts next week.

Scorpio!
Get ready for an unexpected trip when
you fall screaming from an open window,
Work a little bit harder on improving
you low self esteem, you stupid freak.

Sagitarius!
All your friends are laughing behind your back, "Kill Them...."
Take down all the naked pictuires of
Ernest Borgiene you've got hanging in your den.

Capricorn!
The stars say you're a exciting and wonderful person,
but you know they're lying,
If I were you I'd lock my doors and windows
and never, never, never, never, never, leave my house again

Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today
Thats your horoscope for today, for today-ay-ay-ay
Thats your horoscope for today
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------
Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town
Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here
I thought that I would go right out of my mind
Until a friend told me the news

He said, "Hey, you know that vacant lot
Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it
And on that spot they're gonna build a shop
Where we can go buy bolts and screws"

Since then I've been walking on air (air)
I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair
'Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care
I've been waiting since last June

For this day to finally arrive
I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive
'Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside
Well, I hope they open soon

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight
Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out
I pressed my nose right up against the glass
You know, I had to be first in line

Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom
Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house
See those hacksaws? Very, very soon
One of them will be all mine

Guys with nametags walking down the aisles
Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles
Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles
All arranged alphabetically

And they're doing a promotional stunt
There's a great big purple sign out front
That says every 27th customer
Will get a ball peen hammer free

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

Would you look at all that stuff ...
They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from jerrys bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Awww - big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single mornin
It wa driving me crazy

I said to my mom
I said hey, mom, whats with all the sauerkraut?
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said its good for you
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old

Thats when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will glady shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doodoo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasnt long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in leonard nimoys butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
Thats right, a first class one-way ticket to

Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Oh yeah
You know, Id never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of dr. pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was bio-dome with pauly shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?

cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ahhhh

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin wreckage
I crawled on my hands and kneew for three full days
Draggin along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arived at the world famous albuquerque holiday inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
Its ok, theyre clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the a/c
And I turned on the spectravision
And Im just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, theres a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?
I say who is it?
No answer
Who is it?
Theres no answer
Who is it?
Theyre not sayin anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
Its some big fat hermaphrodite with a flock-of-seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when Im right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And Im like hey, you cant have that
That snorkels been just like a snorkel to me
And hes like tough
And Im like give it
And hes like make me
And Im like kay
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voice
And you know what it said?
Ill tell you what it said

It said
If youd like to make a call, please hang up and try again
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator
If youd like to make a call, please hang up and try again
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator

In albuquerque
Albuquerque

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says yeah, what do ya want?
I said you got any glazed donuts?
He said no, were outta glazed donuts
I said you got any jelly donuts?
He said no, were outta jelly donuts
I said you got any bavarian cream-filled donuts?
He said no, were outta bavarian cream-filled donuts
I said you got any cinnamon rolls?
He said no, were outta cinnamon rolls
I said you got any apple fritters?
He said no, were outta apple fritters
I said you got any bear claws?
He said wait a minute, Ill go check
No, were outta bear claws
I said well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?
He says all I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels
I said ok, Ill take that

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin me all over
(rabid gnawing sounds)
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin through my head
I believe it went a little something like this . . .

Doh
Get em off me
Get em off me
Oh
No, get em off, get em off
Oh, oh god, oh god
Oh, get em off me
Oh, oh god
Ah, (more screaming)

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin my arms all around and just runnin, runnin, runnin
Like a constipated weiner dog
And as luck wouls have it, thats exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was zelda
She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
Ill never forget the first thing she said to me.
She said hey, youve got weasels on your face

Thats when I knew it was true love
We were inseperable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children - nathaniel and superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, zelda said to me
She said sweetie pumpkin? do you wanna join the columbia record club?
I said woah, hold on now, baby
Im just not ready for that kinda commitment
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But thats just the way things go

In albuquerque
Albuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin upi for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
Thats right, I got me a part-time job at the sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin a lot of attitude

Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy marty tryin to carry a big ol sofa up the stairs all by himself
So i, I say to him, I say hey, you want me to help you with that?
And marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me
Hes like hey man, I was just being sarcastic
Well, thats just great
How was I supposed to know that?
Im not a mind reader for cryin out loud
Besides, now hes got a really cute nickname - torso-boy
So whats he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasnt had a bit in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And hes yellin and screamin and bleeding all over
And Im like hey, come on, dontcha get it?
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
(screaming sounds)
You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just cant take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was i?
Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, ok
Anyway i, I know its kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point Im tryin to make here is

I
hate
sauerkraut

Thats all Im really tryin to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandry
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours
Theres still a little place called

Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque

I said a (a)
L (l)
B (b)
U (u)
Querque (querque)

Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque

Albuquerque

(belch)
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------
Hey ! Witch Doctor ! Give us the magic word !!
All right, you go ooo ooo ooo ahah ting tang
Walla walla, bang bang !
All right !

Ooo eee,ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bang bang
Repeat 8x

I told the witch doctor
I was in love with you
I told the witch doctor
I was in love with you
And then the witch doctor
He told me what to do

He told me

Ooo eee,ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bang bang
Ooo eee ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla bang bang...
Ooo eee ,ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla ,bang bang
Ooo eee ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla bang bang

I told the witch doctor
You didn't love me true
I told the witch doctor
You didn't love me nice
And then the witch doctor
He game me this advice

Ooo eee,ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bang bang
Ooo eee ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla bang bang...
Ooo eee ,ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla ,bang bang
Ooo eee ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla bang bang

You've been keeping love from me
Just like you were a miser
And i'll admit i wasn't very smart
So i went out and found myself
A guy that's so much wiser
And he taught me the way to win your heart.

My friend the witch doctor
He taught me what to say
My friend the witch doctor
He taught me what to do
I know that you'll be mine
When i say this to you

Ooo eee,ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bang bang
Ooo eee ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla bang bang...
Ooo eee ,ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla ,bang bang
Ooo eee ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla bang bang

You've been keeping love from me
Just like you were a miser
And i'll admit i wasn't very smart
So i went out and found myself
A guy that's so much wiser
And he taught me the way to win your heart.

My friend the witch doctor
He taught me what to say
My friend the witch doctor
He taught me what to do
I know that you'll be mine
When i say this to you

Ooo eee,ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bang bang
Ooo eee ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla bang bang...
Ooo eee ,ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla ,bang bang
Ooo eee ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla bang bang
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------
She keeps Moet et Chandon
In her pretty cabinet
'Let them eat cake' she says
Just like Marie Antoinette
A built-in remedy
For Kruschev and Kennedy
At anytime an invitation
You can't decline

Caviar and cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice

She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

Recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try?

To avoid complications
She never kept the same address
In conversation
She spoke just like a baroness
Met a man from China
Went down to Geisha Minah
Then again incidentally
If you're that way inclined

Perfume came naturally from Paris
For cars she couldn't care less
Fastidious and precise

She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

Drop of a hat she's as willing as
Playful as a pussy cat
Then momentarily out of action
Temporarily out of gas
To absolutely drive you wild, wild
She's all out to get you

She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

Recommended at the price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try?
You wanna try
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------
LYRICS AND STUFF END HERE

well, good job, you read thru all of that, i guess now i should give you the beer and porn huh?

well, the only porn i have is this YIFF cosplay magizine, theres some hot chicks in here, but you kinda have to read thru alot of old fat ugly guys to get to them,

as for the beer, i have an entire cask of Odins favorite mead, its REALLY good, its the stuff they drink in valhala.

make sure you share it, i don't want anybody drinking it all for themselfs, you fucks.

if you like you can leave a comment now, once you do please get the fuck out here.

oh, and dethklok just came out with there dvd and album, buy it. now.

the last lyrics blog post i'll be doing for a while.