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there nothing for you here, go away forever.

i'll never say anything about you ever again.

[index]

it was a cold morning, deep within an unexplored region somewhere in the cold mountains of Norway, the wind was blowing hard, the air chilled to the bone, the faint sound of clopping is heard deep in the middle of frozen nowhere, the land is empty, there appear to be nothing but snow covered mountains and completely snow buried ground, as the wind blew harder the footsteps became louder and louder.

the clopping was becoming louder and faster, the sound of a horse neighing is heard, the footsteps get louder and louder, they are heard getting faster as well, as if they are going towards something in a hurry.

A man can be heard yelling "HUAAAAALTT!!" the clopping comes to a complete stop, the snow is heavy, nothing is seen thru it, and it is far too thick.

The sound of faint human footsteps can be heard, as they less and less faint, a faint shadow is seen.

the shadow appears to moving, it gets less and less faint, it appears to be the shadow of a short man, as it gets closer and closer a stick appears to be in his right hand.

As it gets closer, a mug is seen in its hand, the shadow gets closer and it is seen that the stick he seems to be holding is a rifle.

The figure puts its burden hands in front of its face to block the snow from its eyes; the figure is shorter than any human, but taller than a gnome.

"Ugh!" shouts the shadow "I don't know if it be ma' drinkin' or the snow but I can hardly see anything!"

the wind lets up, the snow is no longer blowing in a thick fog, as the fog settles the figure seems to be wearing armor, the fog lets more and a beard is seen on the short man he seems to be wearing a helmet.

His face is covered by his filled hands, but it is clear that this is no human, this is a dwarf.

The moves his hands away from his face, with an empty mug in one hand a rifle in the other.

In a battle stance the dwarf looks to his left, then to his right.

"Okay!" says the dwarf "the snows cleared up and the coast is clear, I thought I heard a bear, but I guess I was wrong!"

Another dwarf, clad in the same armor, walks up to him.

"Geez mort" says the other dwarf "with a keen sense like yours its no wonder we haven't be attacked in this EMPTY WASTELAND IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE."

"Hey shut up Ron!" said the dwarf "I'm doing my very best! Besides, you can never be too careful when dealing with orcs, goblins, trolls, ogres, and the like"

"You forgot the non-existent bears!" said Ron.

"Grrrr" said mort, slightly angered.

"Hah" said Ron "calm down, I'm only yanking ye' chain, besides, there are no ogres, orcs, or trolls around these parts, and the goblins here are harmless."

"Don't be so sure" said mort "those goblins are tricky little bastards; they could join forces with any of those vile creatures, or even attack us!"

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind" said Ron, amused, mort looked behind him and shouted "okay! The caravan is free to move thru!"

Ron and mort continued walking down the path; the wind began to blow again.

Two rams were seen walking down the path with mort and Ron; they were ridden by two dwarves.

Wooden wheels could be heard turning, sure enough, they were on a wagon.

The wagon was surrounded by three dwarven riflemen on each side, and two dwarven footmen in the back and front.

The wagon was being driven by two dwarven footmen; the back of it was hooded over, like a limo.

Inside the hooded part of the wagon were two well armored dwarves, one was wearing blue armor and had a crown on, he was wearing a red cape he had unlit torches, he was the dwarven king.

Next to him was a dwarf in black armor, his skin was gray and one of his eyes was scared, his cape was black and his beard was gray, where as the kings beard was brown.

"So" said the dwarven king "are you sure about this, gem?"

"am I?" said the gray skinned dwarf "hmm, yes, I do believe so, according to my research there's a long forgotten priceless gem, made from the scale of the first dragon, deep within a mountain somewhere in this region."

"And this gem" said the king "and this gem holds the power of said gem?"

"yes," said the gray skinned dwarf "I see we've both been reading Wikipedia"

"haha," said the king "well highlord blackscale, if we don't find it today the search is over, its been a long trip and i don't know about you, but i'd rather not die in the middle of a frozen hellhole of frost and dirt"

"haha," said blackscale "i assure you if the rumors are true we will both become very rich men"

"and if the rumors are false?" said the king.

"then i'll take you to the nearest pub and we'll get so drunk we'll think were both dead" said blackscale.

"hmm" said the king "well, either outcome will work for me."

the caravan pressed forward thru the snow and ice, they knew that if they came about this jem, great power and fourtune would bestow its holder, and if they did not, shame and cold death was sure to befall them and their men.

as the caravan moved down the snow covered path, the wagon inside was filled with conversation.

"so" said the king "these paths, are you sure they lead to the mountain?"

"yes" said blackscale "the legends say the mountain holding the jem is lead to by a path in the middle of a frozem wasteland,what else could this path lead to?"

"a goblin encampement?" said the kind "because if it does we could very well threaten them."

"what?" said blackscale "what could possibly be threaten about a closed off wagon surrounded by men with rifles?"

the king smiled at blackscale, amussed by his words.

"wikipedia tell you anything else?" said the king.

"well," said blackscale, sounding unsure "after that some ignorant kid decieded to blank the rest of the artical and write 'jake is a fucking fag' so i never got to read about the rest"

"yeah" the king, sounding uneasy "just some ignorant kid."

an hour had passed by, and the caravan was still going down said path, still finding nothing in the frozen waste.

by this point the king and blackscale had nothing left to talk about , they were both drinking mead from wine glasses, sitting quitely, waiting for the caravan to stop at something.

the caravan came to a screeching hault, jerking blackscale and the king forward, causing backscale to spill his mead on the ground, blackscale looked the king the king with a nervious forced smile.

the king look at blackscale with anger in his face

"you're paying for that rug" said the king.

blackscale and the king walked out of the caravan, both upset, they walked forward towards the awing men.

"what is the meaning of this?" shouted blackscale.

"why would yo-" before blackscale could finish his sentence, he had looked up and saw why they had stoped.

infront of the caravan, right where the path ended, there lied a large, hill-like pile of snmow, 20 feet tall, wide enough to completely block the mountain pass, there was no way for the caravan to pass thru, all they had a chance to do was turn back

"no..." siad blackscale, faintly.

blackscale droped to his knees, he used his hands to hold the rest of himself up.

"...its not fair...." said blackscale, just as faintly "its not fair....my entire life...my entire life..."

blackscale lifted his hands up and smashed them on the ground.

"WASTED!" shouted blackscale, with anger.

tears began to roll down blackscales face as he griped the snow with all his might.

"theres nothing here...." said blackscale "NOTHING! this was a waste! this was ALL WORTH NOTHING!"

the king walked up to blackscale and put his hand on his shoulder.

"it's alright blackscale" said the king "it was most likely only vandalism anyway."

"you don't know..." said blackscale "you don't know what its like...to search for something your entire life...and get NOTHING!"

"calm down blackscale" said the king "maybe one day you'll fin-"

before the king could finish his sentence, the wind began to blow again, and much harder.

the snow from the pile began to blow off, the wind blew harder and harder, until the snow once again created a fog.

"oh great" said mort "this crap again"

the snow cleared much quicker this time, but blackscale noticed nothing, he was too busy looking at the tear stained snow.

he felt the kings hand shaking him back and forth.

"blackscale, look!" shouted the king as loud as he could "look up at where the pile was!"

blackscale lifted his head up slowly, and the look of sadness on his face turned to a look of suprise and aw.

the pile was completely gone, and instead there was a giant wall made of stone blocking the way, and infornt of the caravan itself was the gate, broken on to the ground, leaving nothing but a giant hole, leaving nothing in the path to block the caravan.

blackscale rose to his feet and stood.

"yes" said blackscale. "yes..."

blackscale ran towards the gate as he knocked the kings hand off himself.

"WAIT HIGHLORD BLACKSCALE!" shouted ron "IT COULD BE A TRAP!'

but blackscale did not listen, he ran thru the gate and dropped to his knees again.

"i did it" said black scale "i found it after all these lost years"

infront of black scale, past the gates, there it lied.

it was a giant mountain, with a path on it leading up to a hollowed out room, the dtart of the path had torchs on each side, and from the hollowed room there was a glowing red light.

"after all these years" said blackscale, as a single tear rolled down his face "the jem of deathwing."

blackscale stood up and wiped the dried tears from his face, the clod wind still blowing on him, snow flakes still hiting some.

he turned around and walked towards ron and mort.

ron and mort saluted blackscale as he walked towards them, once blackscale passed the other side of the gate he spoke to them

"you two" said blackscale "you ptich up the riding rams, me and king thunderbeard will go into the mountainand retrive the jem, you two stay and gurad the wagon.

"yes sir!" said ron and mort in unison, as they went to pitch up the rams.

"wait just a momment blackscale!" said thunderbeard "we can't go in alone, are you insane?!"

"fine" said blackscale, disspleased "whe'll take the other gurads with us, but theres nothing to worry about."

thunderbeard rallied up the gurads and walked towards the mountain.

they walked up the mountain, with the cold wind blowing against them, they walked towards the hallowed room, with the glowing red light.

as they walked closer and closer the wind blew against them harder and hader, a forbiden sense fell over the king, with the cold wind blowing on him, maybe it was the cold, or maybe it was the wind, but something about this mountain didn't feel quite right, like his senses were telling him to stay as far away from it as he can, and the closer and closer they were, the stronger and stronger it felt.

the king looked over at blackscale, and saw an image that would haunt him the rest of his life, he looked over to blackscale, and in has face, was a look of nothing.

blackscale's face was angry, yet at the same time, cold and emotionless, like he was playing a video game, all while thunderbeard was feeling less and less welcomed at the mountained.

"m-...maybe we s-should turn back now, this place is making me feel uneasy" said thunderbeard, feeling fearful.

"i'd rathe die then stop now." said blackscale.

thunderbeard's movement became slower once he heard that, slowing himself down, allowing blackscale to pass him.

thundebeard was shaken with fear once he heard blackscale say that, he was now afraid to continue, but he would, because he understood how much it ment to blackscale.

that is when blackscale stoped, and with him thunderbeard and the gurads.

"this is the doorway" said blackscale.

and indeed it was, it was a large, human sized door, with a faint red glow coming out of it, closing off the way to the room, it had two horned skulls with large nose pircings for door knobs.

blackscale struggled to open the doors, but it was shut tight, it wouldn't open at all, no matter how hard he pushed on it.

"well, thats a shame." said thunderbeard "maybe it would be better to turn back any-"

"AAARRRGGGHHHHH!" shouted thunderbeard as he kicked the door with all his might, and the door broke down, the chain holding the sides together broke, the faint glowing red light shining thru the doors was now a pure red light, glowing thru the hole.

"hmm, guess they aren't home, ay?" said blackscale, making light of the situation.

"i know for a fact they didn't mention this on wikipedia." said thunderbeard, shocked.

as thunderbeard, blackscale, and the gurads walked in, the forbiden feeling given from the room felt worse then ever, it felt as thou something was physically trying to push him out, but with to no avail, the light in the room was faint now that there people in the room, it was a cold and damp cave, the darkness in the cave washeavy, with the only light being the red glow of the jewl.

the gem was traped in a crystal of pure ice, held a pedestal of stone, with a plak of soild gold, written in norwegian.

blackscale walked up to it and attempted to read it, but had no knowlage in the norwegian tounge.

"hey! thunderbeard!" yelled blackscale "come read this plak, i know you know norwegian!"

thunderbeard began to read from the plak.

"thou this gem is ten thousand times its wegiht in gold, the power it holds is far greater then any amount of money, it is not without a price, before the ice cyrstal can be broken, a life must be given to the gods of valhala, only then will the ice break, and great power will be yours."

"uugh" said thunderbeard "should have known, its cursed, lets get the hell out of h-

*clank*

thunderbeard's words had haulted, the sound of a blade slicing thru flesh and clanking against stone was heard.

thunderbeard knew that something was wrong, he felt a great pain in his back, as thou something was shoved thru it, blood began to drip down from his mouth, he had been stabbed in the back, litterally.

he slowly used what little strength he had to turn his head to see his attacker, and indeed, it was blackscale, with the same cold and emotionless he saw him with while he was walking up the mountain.

"how dare you" said blackscale, in a faint angry tone "how dare you try to take this away from me?"

"this is my dream, ever since i was a child i was told stories of this gem,

i always wanted to have it, i deticated my life to finding it, it was my DREAM, and today i find out its real, not just a false rumor started by some moron on wikipedia, but a real fact.

and you try to take it away from me, well guess what,

the offer for a cold beer is off the table, mr. hunderbeard, and wikipedia is dead to me.

because now the gem is mine.

and not you, a bartender, or an internet vandal can stop me from taking it."

thunderbeard was in complete shock, as were the gurads, the life was fading from thunderbeard, and all he could say was "wikipedia....doesen't even...exist...yet..." as he turned his head towards the ice crystal, falling over, and breaking it with his face.

the gem fell to the ground with shards of ice and drops of blood from the kings carcass.

blackscale kneeled down and took it, griping it as hard as he could, after all the years of searching, the years of poundering its existence, the years of waiting, it was finally in his hands.

the gurads could only watch in horror as blackscale killed their king, and had shown no remorse for his death, they could only watch helplessly as he luaghed when the gem was in his hnads, they knew that the second they came back to the kingdom, blackscale would become their new king, as the king had no child of his own.

blackscale saw his face face reflected in the gem, he could see his face in the glowing red jewel, he knew of everything he had done, all the people he betrayed, and he felt no saddness, no remorse, all he could do was smile into the gem.

he could only look into the gem and smile, he looked into until a small rock fell from the roof of the cave, whitch took him by suprise.

he proceded to lift his head and look up and the roof of the cave, he was directly under a staltite, if the entire thing fell, he could very well be dead.

the ground began to shake violently and chuncks of rock began to fall from the ceiling of the cave.

"what in odin's name?" said blackscale.

the ground started to crack and break apart.

a giant could of dust erupted from the ground, blinding blackscale and the gurads. knocking blackscale down to the ground.

the dust cleared and blackscale rose to his feet, rubbing the dust out of his eyes.

the sound of loud flaping could be heard from the roof of the cave.

blackscale moved backwards and rose his head.

there he saw it, its skin black and appeared to have a leather-like texture, his eyes glowing red, his wings bat-like and sinister, his fangs sharp and large, with black horns like a bull, claws as sharp as razors, it was him, it was the dragon whos scale was used to make the forbiden gem.

it was, in all his unholy glory, the first black dragon born to the mortal world, the dreaded black dragon, Deathwing.

"how...dare....you?" asked Deathwing, in anger.

"wh-what?" said blackscale "y-ou...can talk?"

"pitiful little dwarf" said the dragon "of course i can talk! what did you think, the eldest and most powerful dragon in midgard would just roar and fly off with his tail inbetween his dragon ass?"

Deathwing luanched a fire bolt towards blackscale and the gurads, blackscale jumped out of the way, but the gurads didn't react in time.

the gurads dwarven limbs were throw accross the cave, blood sprayn itself over the ground and walls, missing blackscale however.

"you're quite the lucky little dwarf." said deathwing.

deathwing slamed his head against the roof of the cave, causing rocks to fall, blocking the only known way out.

"you're luck has run out blackscale" said deathhwing "and yes, i heard the man you slain say his name."

"you know not the true power of that gem" said deathwing "you would do well to hand it over, and i'll let you out of here, but if you choose to keep it, i'll have to destroy you, little dwarf."

"i'd rather french kiss your ugly mother" said blackscale, as he rose to his feet.

"RAWR! SHE WAS A SANIT!" yelled deathwing, as he luanched another firebolt, but blackscale avoided it yet again.

the firebolt had knocked a new hole on the other side of the cave, blackscale knew he had no chance of getting to it until the dragon was dead.

the dragon let out another roar, giving blackscale a plan.

while the dragons mouth was open, blackscale tossed the knife he used to kill thunderbeaerd at the dragons mouth.

he missed the dragons mouth, but hit the dragon inbetween his red eyes, deathwings pupils rose to the top of his head, his wings stoped flapping and he went falling to the ground.

blackscale ran towards the exit before the dragon fell, when he came to the hole he found that there was no path, but it was above a lake.

deathwings lifeless body fell to the ground, the force of the fall was so great it knocked blackscale over the edge of the hole.

his body flailing wildly, the wind smashing itself agianst his body, but he was not worried, he knew that once he hit the water with the gem everything for him would be great.

meanwhile, ron and mort watched as the mountain caved in on itself, they didn't see what happened in the cave, but they knew no one in it could survive.

they unhitched the rams and rode them home, for they had no hope of the survival of their king, or their highlord.

meanwhile, blackscale was still falling but no longer flailing, he was calm, he knew he would not only be alright, he would be rich and powerful.

he became so calm, he let it lower his senses, he stoped focusing for a second, only a sceond, and lost his grip of the gem.

he opened his closed eyes, he now knew had happened, had turned over and started trying to get a hold of the gem.

"NO NO NO NO NO!" he cired "SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!"

he hit the water before he could grab the gem, he landed with great force and was supmerged into the water, he heard another splash, he swam up and started looking around and digging in the water, but to no avail, it was lost.

he swam towards dry land, swiming up to land, his energy drained, his arms hurting, his legs aching, he was broken, he was hurt.

"ODIN!" he shouted at the top of his voice as he dropped to his knees. "WHY?"

"I WAS YOUR PROUDEST FOLLOWER! YOUR PROUDEST, I WORSHIPED YOU DAILY, WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME!? WHY!?"

with tears rolling down his face he bowed his head, and placed both of his hands together.

"loki" he said fanitly. "if the gods of valhala truly exist, i no longer care for them, i gave this nothing but dovution, and they betrayed me, so if you are listening, i will give anything, or pay any price, for revenge on the cruel and uncaring gods."

the wind stoped blowing, and the snow stoped falling, the skys were now filled with clouds, the sky that could be seen was now blood red.

the clouds opened up, a red light shined down on the gorund.

"what trickery is this?" said blackscale.

a the arm of a man whering a long black cloak decendied from the skies.

"what the...?" asked blackscale, rising to his feet."

a deep loud voice let out a "come with me, little dwarf, you are my new servent."

blackscale only stood there, in total shock.

"come on now" said the voice "i don't have all odin damned day"

the dwarf walked towards the hand, and grabed the thumb of it.

the hand slowly went back up into the clouds.

the clouds closed up, and faded, as if nothing had happened.

the gem then rose up to the top of the lake, but blackscale would never know.

just as ron and mort would never know of of blackscales betrayal, when they returned to the dwarven village, they told everyone that they were both dead.

there wasn't a single dwarf left in the village that thought either of them were alive, but one of them was.

and that event, 10 years ago, would forever change the face of the dwarven empire.

[end of prolouge]

WWE ARE LESS THEN TWO HOURS AWAY NOW.

WATCH IT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR SECOND TO LAST CHANCE TO SEE IT FOR FREE, AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU BUY THE DVD AND ITS NOT THAT GOOD?

YOU'LL HAVE TO GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT, SEE IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR EYES FOR SURE, YOU'D BETTER START WATCHING IT WHEN IT PREMERES.

I'LL BE PLAYING AMATEUR SURGEON AND MAYBE WATCHING LAW AND ORDER IN THE MEAN TIME FUCK BAGS.

EDIT: it premered sonner then expected! i finished watching it just an hour or so ago! it was preaty good.

Loki:
"Hail, Æsir!
Hail, Asyniur!
And ye, all-holy gods!
all, save that one man,
who sits within there,
Bragi, on yonder bench."

Bragi:
"I know that were I without,
as I am now within,
the hall of Ægir,
I thy head would
bear in my hand,
and so for lying punish thee."

Loki:
"Valiant on thy seat art thou, Bragi!
but so thou shouldst not be,
Bragi, the bench's pride!
Go and fight,
if thou art angry;
a brave man sits not considering."

Idunn stepped in to protect her husband.

Idunn:
"I pray thee, Bragi!
let avail the bond of children,
and of all adopted sons,
and to Loki speak not
in reproachful words,
in Ægir's hall."

Loki:
"Be silent, Idunn!
of all women I declare thee
most fond of men,
since thou thy arms,
carefully washed, didst twine
round thy brother's murderer."

Idunn:
"Loki I address not
with opprobrious words,
in Ægir's hall.
Bragi I soothe,
by beer excited.
I desire not that angry ye fight."

Gefjun:
"Why will ye, Æsir twain,
here within,
strive with reproachful words?
Lopt perceives not
that he is deluded,
and is urged on by fate."

Loki:
"Be silent, Gefjun!
I will now just mention,
how that fair youth
thy mind corrupted,
who thee a necklace gave,
and around whom thou thy limbs didst twine?"

Odin interfered, but Loki called him "unmanly" as well.

Odin:
"Knowest thou that I gave
to those I ought not -
victory to cowards?
Thou was eight winters
on the earth below,
milked cow as a woman,
and didst there bear children.
Now that, methinks, betokens a base nature."

Loki:
"But, it is said, thou wentest
with tottering steps in Samsö,
and knocked at houses as a Vala. (Vala: seeress)
In likeness of a fortune teller,
thou wentest among people;
Now that, methinks, betokens a base nature."
Frigg tried to defend her husband.

Frigg:
"Your doings
ye should never
publish among men,
what ye, Æsir twain,
did in days of yore.
Ever forgotten be men's former deeds!"

Loki:
"Be thou silent, Frigg!
Thou art Fjorgyn's daughter, (Fjorgyn: the earth.)
and ever hast been lustful,
since Ve and Vili, it is said,
thou, Vidrir's wife, didst (Vidrir: another name of Odin, Ve and Vili: Odin's brothers)
both to thy bosom take."

Freyja:
"Mad art thou, Loki!
in recounting
thy foul misdeeds.
Frigg, I believe,
knows all that happens,
although she says it not."

Loki:
"Be thou silent, Freyja!
I know thee full well;
thou art not free from vices:
of the Æsir and the Alfar,
that are herein,
each has been thy paramour."

Freyja:
"False is thy tongue.
Henceforth it will, I think,
prate no good to thee.
Wroth with thee are the Æsir,
and the Asyniur.
Sad shalt thou home depart."

Loki:
"Be silent, Freyja!
Thou art a sorceress,
and with much evil blended;
since against thy brother thou
the gentle powers excited.
And then, Freyja! what didst thou do?"

Njörðr:
"It is no great wonder,
if silk-clad dames
get themselves husbands, lovers;
but 'tis a wonder that a wretched man,
that has borne children, (i.e. the horse Sleipnir)
should herein enter."

Loki:
"Cease now, Njörðr!
in bounds contain thyself;
I will no longer keep it secret:
it was with thy sister
thou hadst such a son (i.e. Freyr)
hardly worse than thyself."

Týr:
"Freyr is best
of all the exalted gods
in the Æsir's courts:
no maid he makes to weep,
no wife of man,
and from bonds looses all."
Not only mocking Týr's wound (his arm was bitten by Fenrir), Loki also called him a cuckold.

Loki:
"Be silent, Týr;
to thy wife it happened
to have a son by me.
Nor rag nor penny ever
hadst thou, poor wretch!
for this injury."

Freyr:
"I the wolf see lying (The wolf: Loki is father of Fenrir)
at the river's mouth,
until the powers are swept away.
So shalt thou be bound,
if thou art not silent,
thou framer of evil."

Loki:
"With gold thou boughtest
Gýmir's daughter, (i.e. Freyr's wife, Gerd)
and so gavest away thy sword:
but when Muspell's sons (i.e. Fire Giants, whose leader would slay the unarmed Freyr art Ragnarök)
through the dark forest ride,
thou, unhappy, wilt not
have wherewith to fight."

Heimdallr:
"Loki, thou art drunk,
and hast lost thy wits.
Why dost thou not leave off, Loki?
But drunkenness
so rules every man,
that he knows not of his garrulity."

Loki:
"Be silent, Heimdallr!
For thee in early days
was that hateful life decreed:
with a wet back
thou must ever be,
and keep watch as guardian of the gods."

Skaði:
"Thou art merry, Loki!
Not long wilt thou
frisk with an unbound tail;
for thee, on a rock's point,
with the entrails of thy ice-cold son,
the gods will bind."

Loki:
"Milder was thou of speech
to Laufey's son, (Laufey´s son: the giant Loki)
when to thy bed thou didst invite me.
Such matters must be mentioned,
if we accurately must
recount our vices."

Sif went to pour for Loki.

Sif:
"Hail to thee, Loki!
and this cool cup receive,
full of old mead:
at least me alone,
among the blameless Æsir race,
leave stainless."

Loki:
"So alone shouldst thou be,
hadst thou strict and prudent been
towards thy mate;
but one I know,
and, I think, know him well,
a favoured rival of Hlorridi,
and that is the wily Loki."

After this, Thor came in and drove Loki away.

Thor:
"Silence, thou impure being!
My mighty hammer, Mjöllnir,
shall stop thy prating.
I will thy head
from thy neck strike;
then will thy life be ended."

if you're wondering what the fuck just happened loki wasn't invited to a party, came in any way, got drunk, and started making an ass of himself until thor came in and thretened to smack him upside the head with his hammer.

also, be silent= shut the fuck up.

--------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
----

Bridge

Captain Murphy is pacing back and forth across the viewport.

Murphy: Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.

The bridge door whooshes open, and Marco enters.

Marco: Hello, Captain.

Murphy: Marco! Hey buddy, you wanna, I don't know, hang out or, play a game?

Marco: I'm a little busy here, sir. Trying to keep a billion dollar research station running smoothly.

Murphy: Ooh, fun! I'll be the mommy.

Marco: ...Beep-beep!

Marco picks up a communicator, as if it just beeped.

What's that? You need the Captain? Right away?

Murphy: What was that?

Marco: Emergency in the tank room! Better get down there, sir!

Murphy: I-I didn't hear anything.

Marco: No time, sir! Hurry! Run!

Murphy: Olé!

Murphy speeds out of the bridge, complete with a gunshot sound.

Marco: Madre mía, what an idiot!

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Tank room

Murphy enters. Stormy, Quinn, and Debbie, in scuba gear, are about to dive.

Murphy: I'm here! I'm here! What's the emergency?

Debbie: Uhh, looks like Marco got you again, sir.

Murphy: Oh, jeez. That mailbox head! Well, um, can I play with you guys?

Quinn: Not now, sir. We're about to go out on patrol.

Murphy: Neato! Hey, I'll make a box lunch.

Stormy: Yeah, you do that.

Stormy slides his mask on. Stormy, Quinn, and Debbie dive into the sea.

Murphy: Umm, oh, I get it. Ditched.

Two orphans, a girl and a boy, are hanging around an exit.

Girl: Life's a ditch!

Murphy: Oh! Hi orphans! Wanna play, or.. or...

Girl: Shag off!

The boy belches loudly.

Murphy: Hmm.

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Hallway

Murphy walks down the hall, singing to the tune of Beethoven's 5th...

Murphy: Ba-ba-ba-bored, ba-ba-ba-bored... ba-ba-ba-bored, ba-ba-ba-bored, ba-ba-ba-bored...

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Bridge

Murphy is hanging around Sparks' console.

Murphy: Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. Bored!!

Sparks: (annoyed) Hey, do ya mind? I'm listening to the radio.

Murphy: But I'm bored! Why aren't you listening to me?

Sparks: Because... I am listening... to the radio.

Murphy: (gasps, inspired) The radio!!

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Control room

Murphy runs up to a crewman at a console.

Murphy: Yo, hey. (whistles) Drone.

Crewman: Uh, yeah, my name is, uh, Ted. From accounting.

Murphy: Well then, you should know how to launch the ten-gigawatt emergency radio beacon.

Ted: Uh, no, not really, sir, I'm... Ted. From accounting -

Murphy: And I've heard great things, Kevin. Now, less lip and more launch!

Ted: Alright, ah, okay.

Ted presses a button on the console, and a radio beacon floats upward past the viewport, cable trailing behind it.

You're the boss.

The beacon continues upward through the ocean, and splashes onto the surface.

The beacon is on the surface, sir. Are we cool, here?

Murphy: Full power! Juice that baby all the way up, Cedric!

Ted: Well, it's in the red now, sir, it's, uh, you know what I'm talk - (He begins laughing) - It's in the red, I'm from accounting...

Murphy bursts out with jubilant laughter, and Ted laughs with him for a while. The laughter dies down.

Murphy: Ah... no. Eh, no, I don't.

Ted frowns.

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Bridge

The beacon is still floating and pinging away on the surface. Murphy is now at Sparks' communications console, which has been outfitted with a big radio-style microphone. A screen displays the words "ON AIR."

Murphy: Ahem. Is this thing on?

He taps the mike. The taps, and Murphy's voice, echo throughout the station as he descends into full-on DJ mode.

Alright, sea monkeys! This is Howlin' Mad Murphy! You can run, but you can't hide, because I am live and worldwide with ten gigawatts of radio waves that won't behave! And you can't ignore me anymore, people!

A howling wolf sound effect plays.

I... will... be... heard!!

A loud rock song starts playing.

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Ocean

The music echoes around the ocean, pretty much disrupting life. A rock crumbles under a diver's feet, sending him tumbling. Three swimming turtles are shaken and tossed around by the vibrations. More rocks crumble, and shower a shark with debris. The shark, agitated, knocks into Sealab's underwater runabout, jostling Quinn and Stormy. The beacon is still on the surface, doing its work.

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Bridge

Pounding music echoes through the station as Marco approaches Murphy at the console.

Marco: Captain Murphy! I -

Murphy: Shh! Coming out! Ahem. (into microphone) Alright, sea monkeys, you're on the prowl with Howlin' Mad Murphy! So, get your fignuts on!

A sound effect comes from the console, a man saying "Fiiignuuuts!!" in a typical cheesy radio-catchphrase way.

(off mic) Hey, jerkface! You don't just barge into the booth when I'm on the air!

Marco: Booth?? Wait a second! Are you using the emergency beacon to run a pirate radio station?

Murphy: Ahh, crap. Listen, fignuts. The tour is either in the commissary by now, or in the Howling Mad gift shop.

Marco: Right. Two things; One, you're suckin' up all the power.

An exterior view of Sealab shows the station's lights dimming out, then coming back on.

And two. The FCC finds out -

Murphy: So, some shriveling bureaucrats make me pay a stupid fine. Big deal.

Marco: I see you're not familiar with their new tactics, which are... unspeakably wicked. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!

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FCC Ship

A ship travels the ocean. A caption reads "FCC SEARCH AND DESTROY VESSEL." On the ship's bridge stand a mustachioed Captain, with binoculars, and a younger Officer, who is steering the ship.

Officer: Scanners going off, Captain. We've picked up a pirate radio signal.

Captain: Yeah, lock in on it, son. Here at the FCC, it's our job to eliminate illegal radio stations, and inappropriate language.

Officer: Yeah. Well, uh, thanks a lot for the f(bleep) back story.

Captain: Wha? You watch your f(bleep) mouth, you (bleep-bleep)

Officer: Ooh, how can I put this, uh... f(bleep) you! ...Sir.

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Sealab bridge

The beacon is still going strong, music is playing, and Murphy is still DJ'ing. Sparks sits at another console.

Murphy: Okay, sea monkeys! This is Howlin' Mad Murphy and his zany sidekick Sparkplug! Say hey, Sparkplug! (Pause) You're supposed to say, "Hey, Sparkplug." It's a "bit."

Sparks: (on air) Oh, yeah! Uh, okay.

Pause. A phone rings.

Murphy: You're not gonna do it, are you.

Sparks: No, no, no, Skip, I am, really. Uh... you ready?

Murphy: Yeah.

Longer pause. The phone rings again.

Okay.

The phone rings again. Murphy pushes a button to answer the call.

Go ahead caller, you're on with the zoo patrol.

Murphy presses another button to play a "barnyard animals" sound effect. The caller's voice shows up as a sound wave on a screen.

Caller: Hey, this is Larry, from -

Murphy: Honnnk! Where's Moe and Curly, fignuts?

Murphy hits a whooping monkey sound effect.

Larry: Anyway...

Murphy: Yeah.

Larry: I got a joke for ya, Howlin' Mad.

Murphy: Mm-hmm, okay.

Larry: A priest, a nun -

Murphy: Mm-hmm, sure.

Larry: and a rabbi are -

Murphy: Go to hell.

Murphy cuts off the caller with a flushing toilet sound.

Hey, sea monkeys! Time for a wa-a-acky prank phone call!

Touch-tones dial as Murphy talks to Sparks off-mic.

You seen the ratings, Sparkplug? Number eight, baby! And climbing!

The phone is answered, and Murphy gets back on the mic.

Man: Fire tower number seven! This is Ranger Roger! How may I help you?

The called party is seen to be a forest ranger in an observation tower.

Murphy: Hey, dummy! There's a raging forest fire!

Ranger: What?!

Murphy: All the animals are burning!

Ranger: Oh, my God! The cute squirrels!

The ranger looks out of his tower with binoculars.

Murphy: Ha! Consider yourself "zinged!"

Murphy sets off a number of sound effects, and a recording of a cheesy radio DJ chorus clip.

Chorus: The zing of the daaaaay!

Ranger: Ha ha ha! You got me! Howlin' Mad Murphy, I love you! You know, you're my whole morning!

Murphy: Aw, stop it, I'm getting misty!

More sound effects, involving a honk, a toilet flush, and a howling wolf. Murphy happily lip-synchs along with the howling wolf.

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Montage - Magazine covers

A magazine called "Pirate Radio" shows a photo of Murphy, and the headlines "Howlin' Mad About You!" "Murphy Makes Major Waves For The FCC" and "Back To School: Why College Radio Sucks."

"Varietal" magazine proclaims "'Howlin' Mad' Murphy Tops All Radio Ratings" and, lower, "Knaves Sign Mongo Deal."

"Fime" magazine shows Murphy in a thoughtful pose as their "Man Of The Year: 'Howlin' Mad' Murphy."

"Playgal" shows "Howlin' Mad UNZIPPED!" and a picture of Murphy unzipping his wetsuit.

And finally, "Feds" magazine (special parenting issue) shows a picture of the FCC Captain, with the headline "'I'll kill the @$%&*%!!' - The Hunt For Red Murphy."

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FCC Ship

The ship continues in its quest for Murphy. The Captain scans with his binoculars.

Officer: We're closing in on the signal, sir! And then we'll drop the Hammer, right?

Captain: Huh? Oh, yeah, uh, yeah, uhh.. yeah, we're gonna drop the Hammer. Hey, uhh...

The Captain holds up his "Feds" magazine cover.

Does this make me look fat?

Officer: No... but your ass does! Ha-ha-ha-ha!! Your ass, ha-ha-ha-ha!! Aha.. ahem... I'll go swab the deck.

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Sealab Bridge

The beacon floats overhead as Murphy plays some more sound effects, including the "Fiiignuuuts!!" clip.

Murphy: Hey, congratulations! You're the fifth caller! What's your name?

Caller: My name's Jack.

Murphy: Great! Because that's just what you're getting! Jack! I'm looking for the sixth caller, Jackass!

More sound effects, including a hee-hawing jackass.

Jack: Howlin' Mad Murphy, I love you!

Murphy: You're a bigger suckup than that stupid forest ranger!

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Forest Ranger Tower

The ranger is listening to the show.

Ranger: (awed) He's talking about me!! Oh! Oh... he's...

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Sealab Bridge

Murphy's phone rings again. He answers.

Murphy: This is Howlin' Mad. Go ahead, caller.

The caller is Dolphin Boy, chittering away in his dolphin-speak.

Oh, it's you again, huh Dolphin Boy?

Dolphin Boy squeaks an answer, into a comm panel in Sealab.

Well, cram it, fat stuff!

Dolphin Boy sadly pokes his own belly, and sheds a tear.

People, people, people! Nothin' makes Howlin' Mad more mad than fatties!!

He cuts off Dolphin Boy with a grunting pig sound clip. Marco shows up.

Marco: Captain Murphy, I -

Murphy: Except maybe this guy. Hey sea monkeys, it's that jerkface, Marco!

Murphy hits a button, and a cheering crowd noise plays.

What the... Sparkplug, quit messing up my carts!

Murphy hits another button, this time making a booing crowd noise.

See, you ruin the timing.

Marco: As I was saying -

Murphy interrupts Marco with the monkey noise.

As I was saying -

Elephant sound.

As I was -

Bird squawking.

Before I was interrupted -

Pig grunts. Lots of pig grunts. Marco groans in frustration.

I'm pretty sure -

Kitten meow.

Murphy: Ah ha haaaaa! Alright.

Marco: (sigh) ...the FCC has closed in on your signal. And you -

Murphy: Shut up. It's time for the "I Hate Marco" show!

Murphy starts up a clip of the radio chorus, singing to the tune of the Hallelujah chorus...

Chorus: III hate Marco, hate Marco, hate Marco and his maaail box heeead!

The phone rings, and Murphy answers.

Murphy: Go ahead, caller, tell me why you hate Marco.

Caller: Hi Howlin' Mad.

Murphy: Yes, sir.

Caller: Long time listener, first time caller.

Murphy: Mm-hmm, yeah, mm-hmm..

Caller: The reason I hate Marco is...

Murphy: Yeah?

Caller: ...he's a mailbox head?

Sound effects, including the booing crowd.

Murphy: Oh, yeah, real original. Sit on it, Pottsie.

Murphy hangs up on the caller with a flushing sound. The caller turns out to be Stormy, calling from the runabout with Debbie and Quinn.

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Runabout

Stormy looks ashamed.

Stormy: I can't believe I choked!

Debbie and Quinn have a good laugh at Stormy.

Debbie: Freak.

Quinn: Dumbass.

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Sealab Bridge

Murphy's phone rings again, and he answers.

Murphy: Okay, caller. Why do you hate Marco?

Captain: Attention! Pirate radio station.

Marco: Yes, sir.

Captain: This is an FCC search and destroy vessel..

Murphy: Yeah?

Captain: And you are violating FCC regulations.

Murphy: Mm-hmm?

Captain: This is your last chance to end your (bleep) transmission.

Murphy: Hey, hey! Hey!! I don't know who you ladies are..

Marco looks worried.

..but I run a clean show here! Maybe this will clean your dirty little mouth out, fignuts.

Murphy cuts him off with the flushing sound.

Captain: Oh. Oh, that really (bleep) tears it! (to his officer) Drop the f(bleep-bleep) Hammer!

A bomb is ejected from the ship, which sinks, ticking, down toward Sealab.

Flush that, ya bitch.

Marco: The Hammer?! I knew it!! Once again, your stupidity has killed us!

Murphy: Yeah, I know. Zinged ya!

Murphy sets off some sound effects; a gunshot, the radio chorus..

Chorus: The Ultimate Ziiing!!

..and the howling wolf, which Murphy happily lip-synchs along to as the Hammer comes down on Sealab.

Marco: Aww, sh-

The bomb hits, and Sealab explodes.

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FCC Ship
The bridge of the FCC ship is seen in the corner of the screen as the closing credits roll.

Captain: What, wait a sec. Where was I?

Officer: Uhh, I think you were (bleep)ing an orangutan.

Captain: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's legal in Tijuana. Anyway, then that broad (bleeeep) while I (bleeeep) with its own (bleeeep) and then we (bleeeep)

Officer: That's, uh, one messed up (bleep).

Captain: You watch your (bleep) mouth! That's my wife you're talkin' about!

Officer: Wait! Mom was a (bleep)?

Captain: Aye. And I wouldn't trade her for a (bleeeep). Or you either, m'boy. You may be the son of a f(bleeeep), but by God, you're my own flesh and blood.

Officer: (bleeeep)(bleep) (bleep)

what else needs to be said?

And the children drank lemonade
And the morning lasted all day, all day

And through an open window came
Like Sinatra in a younger day
Pushing the town away

Ah hey ma ma ma ma........
Life in a northern town
Ah hey ma ma ma ma

They sat on the stony ground
And he took a cigarette out
And everyone else came down to listen

He said, in winter, 1963
It felt like the world would freeze
With John F. Kennedy and the Beatles

Ah hey ma ma ma........
Life in a northern town
Ah hey ma ma ma........
All the work shut down

The evening had turned to rain
Watch the water roll down the drain
As we followed him down to the station

And though he never would wave goodbye
You could see it written in his eyes
As the train rolled out of sight, bye bye

Ah hey ma ma ma........
Life in a northern town
Ah hey ma ma ma........
Life in a northern town
Ah hey ma ma ma........
Take it easy on yourself
Ah hey ma ma ma........