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homor
Self-published independent author, writer and avid enjoyer of stupid, popcorn entertainment. Always happy to help!
"We all have a thousand bad drawings in us, the sooner you get them out the better." - Chuck Jones.

Age 30, Male

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The Shadow Realm

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Homor's corner of bad fanfics #3- My Immortal: Chapter one.

Posted by homor - July 7th, 2009


i really really really really REALLY do NOT wanna review this story.

i really just wanna turn back and pretend I've never seen this, pretend it never happened to me.

but i can't, its real, and it happened.

i have to face it, i can't deny it and i can't run away from it.

i have to face:

MY IMMORTAL.

the story has about 39 chapters but today we'll just focus on the first one, and maybe get at some of the others in a later review.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)
hahaha! i'm so glad you explained that joke! you know all the best jokes have to be explained in detail!

also she spells it "GOFFICK" instead of "GOTHIC" because poor literacy is KEWL!
and get used to that mentality folks, because it doesn't ever go away ever.

2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

oh dear sweet Odin in Valhala.

FIRST OF ALL:
can you understand any of that shit?

its like you took girl talk, goth slang, and net-speak and rolled it up into a blender, drank it, and spit it out all over the screen. ITS HORRIBLE.

SECOND:
you should really kick Bloodytearz666's ass. because she didn't help your spelling one bit if you can't spell "with" "the" "you" or "rock"

than again maybe you're just a lost cause.

THIRD:
bloodytearz666 is an AWFUL username, it sounds more like a parody of Goth usernames than a real one.

FOURTH:
where the fuck did My Chemical Romance come from? i don't fucking get it. what relevance does that have to anything?

FIFTH:
"Justin ur da love of my deprezzing life!"? considering your family can afford a computer it can't be THAT "depprezzing." [sic].

sweet Loki, 5 PROBLEMS JUST FROM THE OPENING INTRODUCTION.

i really don't wanna keep doing this.

think all this was bad? ...you're right, but it gets even worse from here.

so now that we're done with the introduction lets...*gulp* get on with the rest of the story.

...Thor help us.

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

"and i'm an alcoholic."

"Hi Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven way"

also, see how her name is spelled "dark'ness"? thats because shes EXTREME!!!!!!!!!

seriously, thats the kind of surname you give an Elf or an Orc in fantasy story when you can't think of any other Elf or Orc names.

and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)
okay, thats cool i guess, but i don't really care about your appearance.

with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back
...i don't really care about your appearance.

and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee
i don't really care about your appearance.

I'm not related to Gerard Way
so you're also not related to any of the other people who share your 87 last names?

but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.
wouldn't that make it incest? stupid?

"I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white."
thats really lame. do you also twinkle when the sun hits you?

I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch,
"i'm also a bank teller but that isn't really important right now."

"I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black.
oh really? because i thought from all the elements in your story you'd be a greaser.

also thanks for informing me you wear mostly black, i USED to think Goths wore a mixture of pink, teal, and indigo.

I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.
okay, whatver, i don't see how that fits into the hogwarts harry potter stuff but-

For example today I was wearing a black corset
like i said before i don't really care about your appearance.

with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt,
...i don't really care about your appearance.

pink fishnets and black combat boots.
i DON'T. REALLY. CARE. ABOUT. YOUR. APPEARANCE.

I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.
I ALREADY FUCKING TOLD YOU TWENTY FUCKING TIMES THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID FUCKING APPEARANCE.

i mean what he hell, her appearance descriptions take up 90% of the first chapter, ITS THE ONLY MAJOR PLOT POINT OF IT!

aren't goths always talking about how wrong it is to be shallow and always accusing preps of it?

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining
at the same time? isn't that...ya' know...IMPOSSIBLE?

A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

there are PREPS at a school for Wizards?

what kind of fucking sense does that make?

also, her hatred for preps only cements my theory that she is a greaser, so stay gold for Johnny Dark'ness.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was.... Draco Malfoy!

hey look its the murdering asshole sociopath Draco! good to see 'ya buddy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

well that scene was entirely pointless.

and it only gets worse from this point folks, despite the first chapter being over and have a million stupid things in it, we're not even done with the stupidity, this isn't the stupidest it gets, and theres also A LOT of character derailment here.

but for now, i need to recover from the mental trauma this stupid "story" gave me.


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